


A Draught of Firelight

by purpledragonturtles



Series: Harry Potter fanfic [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Affectionate Insults, Anger, Angst, Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Chronic Pain, Detention, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Falling In Love, First War with Voldemort, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, Gryffindor, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Insults, Jealous Remus Lupin, Jealous Severus Snape, Legilimency, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Occlumency, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Patronus, Potions, Protective Remus Lupin, Psychological Trauma, Sarcasm, Second War with Voldemort, Slytherin, Strong Female Characters, The Golden Trio, The Golden Trio Era (Harry Potter), Time Loop, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:13:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 25,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23838151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purpledragonturtles/pseuds/purpledragonturtles
Summary: [...] "It's alright. You'll understand soon," she said as the flames swallowed her leaving the men staring at the burnt marks on wood floor."It's a flower," Albus remarked as he knelt. The old man's eyes were shimmering brightly."It's an oleander," Snape whispered as her sobbed."What does it mean? It surely isn't a haphazard occurrence," Dumbledore asked."Subtle poison. Someone betrayed us," he answered.What happens when  prodigy Alex Cromwell returns to Hogwarts after being MIA for 12 years?Will she be able to go back to being the person she was or did she lose too much in the first war?*** All characters and Harry Potter universe belong to J.K. Rowling except the main character( A.C). ***I also am publishing this on Wattpad. It's under the same name.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s), Severus Snape/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Harry Potter fanfic [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1717693
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	1. Simmering conversations

**Author's Note:**

> *** Hiya, the author here. This is my first fanfic. I've had this idea swirling in my mind for a while and I hope to keep it going. I've written quite a lot of it but it's unedited and I'm trying to piece a few things together... soooo if there are any mistakes or points that aren't too clear, please tell me!! VOTE! Leave Q's in the comments if you want, I'll answer 3 in the next chapter ;) ***

"What's wrong, Headmaster?" Snape said as he stalked into the Headmaster's office.

"What's _wrong_? The prophecy spoke about a boy, but it didn't speak of _her_ son, Snape," Alex barked at him, her hazel eyes glaring at him. Her dark cloak billowed around her as she stepped in from the window. He looked taken aback as she dried off.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be... elsewhere... at this hour?"

"I'm saving your bleeding—"

A flash of light and a loud crack drowned out her voice as Albus Dumbledore apparated a few feet from them. She glanced at the Headmaster but kept rambling at Snape.

"The nerve of you to go to him, begging to save Lily. What about James, what about their son? What about everyone else who'll die or who's already dead? You revolting piece of—"

"Dear, I think he got the message the first time," Dumbledore interjected as he stepped in between them, stopping her from lunging at Snape. The young witch eyed the Headmaster closely before turning away. Her dark cloak whipped stormily behind her. She pulled on her hair and let out a frustrated sigh.

"What is she doing here, Albus? She's a child. Shouldn't she be in her common room?"

"Don't be daft, Severus. She's much more than that, I'm sure you've realized that by now," Dumbledore muttered as he waved his hand to close the window to his office. The stormy gusts of wind were oddly freezing for a mid-October night.

"I've been working for the Order for a year now. Along with the Ministry, I've been protecting the border. I lend a helping hand, so to speak. The little tantrum you threw in front of Daddy Tom shifted his attention, so my team and I lost the intel we had. We were blindsided overnight. Obviously, your side picked up on our mission, someone must have tipped one of friends off. The others died, I'm the only one left," Alex said.

"Dolohov and Yaxley—they said something about catching a few Aurors in the mountains near Inverness," Severus muttered, "why are you here now, though?"

"Apart from keeping the school hidden and finding the Potters' hiding place, I guess nothing," she said coolly. She lazily slumped down in an armchair and began leafing through an issue of the Daily Prophet.

"Albus, you let a child—"

"I'm not a child!" Alex glared at him throwing the newspaper back on the coffee table.

"I thought you'd take this seriously! I begged you to keep her safe and you give the job to a child?" Snape spat at the Headmaster ignoring her protest.

"SNAPE!" Alex snapped as she pulled the her sleeve up to reveal scars that looked like constellations. It looked as though they had been branded into her skin.

"What are those marks?"

"It's the stars present on the night I made the Unbreakable Vow to James and Lily," she said, "I'll protect them with my life, I swear."

The two eyed each other intently as if making a sort of silent agreement between each other. Severus was terrified of the outcome. Everything he'd tried to keep Lily safe was in precariously balanced, threatening to topple over and crush him at the slightest change in the wind.

 _Please. I know I'm begging and I'm pathetic. I sound pathetic. Keep her safe— hell, keep them all safe if it means that she lives_ , Severus' thoughts reached her mind. She repressed the urge to roll her eyes and sighed. He obviously didn't know she could read his mind since the next few thoughts were a jumble of swears and sifting through memorized pages of spell books.

"Albus, I have to go. Ted Tonks needs me to take a look at his briefcase tomorrow morning, something about a crazed Bowtruckle nest," Alex said breaking eye contact with Severus.

"Of course, dear. Are we still on to meet for tea at Halloween?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world. Tell Professor McGonagall to not assign to much work before I get back," she grinned and patted the older man on the shoulder as she turned towards the window.

"What happens if they're found? What happens to you?" Snape asked. The young man looked completely different than how she remembered from years before.

"I think you'd rather not find out," she said, her face solemn, "but I reckon you know already."

"He'll kill anyone who gets in his way, you know that right?"

"It's a risk I'm willing to take. Severus don't leave unless he summons you, these are dark times we're living in. I'm sure you can find a way to communicate with me if something comes up," she said tapping her forehead. She couldn't be referring to his Occlumency barriers. She mentally ran her fingers over them making him shiver at the contact.

"How did you know? No one's noticed—"

"It's quite impressive, I must say. Oh, and Severus, don't pretend to care, it's depressing. Good night," she winked disappearing into green flames as she jumped out the window.

"How old is she Albus?" Snape turned to the Headmaster who was staring at the Hourglass on his desk.

"Little Alexandria Cromwell, she's fifteen. I was hoping you'd recognize her from your fifth year," Dumbledore said.

"You mean _she's_ the Cromwell girl who stalled the Hat?" he asked in disbelief.

"Indeed so. Extraordinary, isn't she? I've grown rather fond of her company and she has quite the inventive mind."

"Indeed. Has the Dark Lord tried to recruit her?"

"I'm afraid we both know the answer to that, Severus. Now, if you don't mind, I need to see my pillow for some shut eye. Let yourself out when you're done gawking out the window."

The dark-haired professor stared at the old man with a shocked expression, then turned around and headed to his personal chambers pondering the significance of that encounter and what the future had in store.


	2. Searing oleander

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! Sorry for the short chapter, I'll update soon. Hope everyone's well.

"Headmaster!" Alex breathed as she crashed through the window in Dumbledore's office. She knew he'd repair the window eventually. She slumped onto the floor as tears fell to the floor, immediately drenching the wood as she sobbed into it. The constellation markings on her arms were bleeding profusely, her body trembled as she fire burnt coursed through her veins. 

"Alex, what happened?" asked Dumbledore as he rushed in. The elderly wizard bent over her to inspect her wounds but she curled up tighter into a fetal position. She ignored his question and fumbled for her wand on the floor.

"M-my wand, I can't see Albus," she mumbled through her sobs. The headmaster quickly scanned the floor and found the sought for object near a leg of his desk.

"I'm here, Headmaster," Severus said rushing up the steps taking them two at a time.

"Severus," Alex breathed. Her head snapped up and the hood slid off the head. The two men were taken aback at the sight. Her eyes looked like the night sky and blood was dripping from her mouth. Her brow had a deep gash that ran over her eyelid and down her cheek. She started crying harder, her sobs echoing.

"What happened?" Severus asked. His voice shook as he took in the girl's tortured form. He'd seen people die and seen many people being tortured, nevertheless the sight of a girl just a few years younger than him looking battered and emitting such plangent tones broke something in him. 

"He found t-them.. it's over...I-I'm sorry," she whimpered as she started sobbing again. A few moments later she pressed her wand to her temple and extracted two long silvery strand. She fumbled with her robes and put the memories into a flask.

Severus staggered to a sitting position next to her looking appalled. His face paled before going slightly green. He bit back a sob as tears rolled down his cheeks and onto the collar of his robes.

"It's not your fault... the memories... take them," Alex said before shoving the memories into his hands. She crawled into a sitting position and tried to stand. A few stars glowed brightly as she got to her feet and her dark hair immediately caught fire. Severus and Albus wielded their wands towards the witch who was progressively disappearing into thin air.

"It's alright. You'll understand soon," she said as the flames swallowed her leaving the men staring at the burnt marks on wood floor.

"It's a flower," Albus remarked as he knelt. The old man's eyes were shimmering brightly.

"It's an oleander," Snape whispered as her sobbed.

"What does it mean? It surely isn't a haphazard occurrence," Dumbledore asked.

"Poison. Someone betrayed them," the young wizard answered. Tears blindly fell from his eyes as he crumpled to the ground.


	3. Ardently awkward

(twelve years later)

She was falling. Apparently, gravity doesn't take it too well when you don't abide by its laws. The atmosphere scorched her skin as she made her way through layers and layers of wards. She was falling back to Earth. The sight was breathtaking, but she couldn't breathe yet anyway.

"Oh, good Minerva, you don't—" Dumbledore started. She was plummeting towards the Great Hall. Being in space had taught her the beauty of imperturbation. She now felt overwhelmed by the haste of her movements. Her body reacted on its own and turned into white smoke as she went through the ceiling of the hall.

Her body hit the stone floor violently as she tried to reabsorb the impact waves with her wand pinned to the floor. Quickly her senses came back to her and feeling spread back to her body. She shot up staggering slightly and looking to the staff table where she met Dumbledore's eyes. Luckily for her the hall was empty. A few enchanted candles had crashed to the floor as she hit them on the way down.

"Well, that was... windy. I'll replace the candles, I swear," she grinned as she looked around. Professor McGonagall, who was standing next to the Headmaster, looked like she had swallowed a dragon egg. The young witch flicked her wand toward she fallen objects and they resumed their positions.

"Twelve years and you choose the start of term to fall from the sky?" he smirked.

"I couldn't be late, now could I? I have to catch up on all the homework Professor McGonagall set," she grinned as her heart sank. She'd been gone for twelve years. Time had flown past her during her time up in the stars. He patted her back and motioned for her to go to the staff room with him after he'd managed to get Professor McGonagall out of her daze.

"I'm afraid you just missed pudding, dear," Dumbledore chuckled shaking his head.

"Oh well, I'll _have_ to go bribe the house elves," she replied snarkily.

Alex laughed to herself shaking her head as she took in the hall. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She could feel everything. Her heart was beating again. It hadn't beat in quite a while now. She felt air brushing on each inch of skin and relished in being able to feel after years of being completely numb.

She'd been gone twelve years already. In space it had felt like a little over five years, but maybe that was just a side effect of stillness on her perpetually restless mind. Alex had learned that Space wasn't fond of variation and that stars actually had personalities.

"That was quite the entrance," a deep voice spoke from her left. She knew that voice. It definitely sounded more guarded and put together than the last time she'd heard it. Her memories were foggy, but the more she concentrated on them the clearer they got. It felt like her memories were behind a glass window and someone was slowly wiping condensation from her brain.

"Severus?" she smiled turning toward him. He was standing a few feet away and was pouring himself a glass of firewhisky. The light from the fireplace glistened off his hair and robes. He wore the same robes she'd seen him in all those years ago, but his features had hardened. His black eyes shone with liquid orange hues from the fire yet scrutinized every detail of her person.

Her eyes were quickly welling up with tears, so she made a run for it before he could answer. She darted down to the Trophy room and across the landing to the dungeons then through a passage that led back up to toward the Room of Requirement.

"Cromwell!" he yelled as he chased her. As they reached the spiral staircase on the fourth floor, he leapt in front of her. She quickly collided with his chest and fell to the ground sobbing.

"Go, Severus. Leave me alone, I c-can't... I need time to think" she cried. Even though time had passed, she couldn't look him in the eye. She hadn't been able to feel anything for years and now the guilt, the grief and sorrow overwhelmed her. She felt like knives had plunged into her chest. He scoffed but sat down next to her anyway.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"It h-hurts," she mumbled softly, "I didn't keep them safe. I let you down, I let Dumbledore do—"

"It wasn't your fault. Black betrayed us," he whispered.

" _You_ of all people should be furious at me," she said looking him in the eye. His black eyes locked with hers as he shook her head.

"What happened that night?"

"Didn't you see the memories in the Pensieve?" she asked sarcastically as she wiped tears from eyes. She got up suddenly as if she the step she was sitting on had pinched her. His tone was too patient for her liking, almost like he pitied her or envied her for some strange reason.

"I meant afterwards, when you vanished. Where did you go?"

"Nowhere."

"I thought _you_ would at least have the decency to tell the truth, after all these years, yet you still—"

"Severus let her be. She's been through a lot this evening alone," said Dumbledore peering up from the previous landing.

"Severus, I told you, I went nowhere. In my fourth year, I had come across a bit of very intriguing magic on Preservation. You see, when I made the Unbreakable Vow to Lily and James, I called upon the stars to keep the secrets spoken between us. The night t-they were k-killed, I—" Alex bit her lip to make it stop quivering as she spoke. Her lungs were on fire and her eyes felt like they'd fall out of her cranium at any given moment.

"My office, we'll continue this discussion there," Dumbledore proffered. Alex nodded and sped up the steps. As soon as she cleared the stairs, she apparated but kept a hand suspended in mid-air for the two men to grab onto.

"You believe this, Albus? Do you really believe she didn't just make a run for it?" Snape hissed.

"Severus let her explain. I have a feeling this will get even more interesting," the Headmaster said. The levitating hand snapped her fingers at them to rush them. They grabbed onto it and immediately found themselves in Dumbledore's office.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," the Headmaster grinned. Alexandria rolled her eyes, but a small smile played on her face.

"Now, is not the time for jokes!" Severus growled as he spun towards Lennox, "Speak!"

"Don't tell me what to do!" she snarled back.

"Lennie, I know this is difficult for you, but please, go on," Albus coaxed. Professor Snape scoffed and turned away from the other two.

"Don't Lennie me, Albus. The night they died I wasn't there to protect them," she said.

"Where were you?" asked Dumbledore. She barked a dry laugh as she glared at the shoulders of the black clad man.

"Why don't you tell him, Severus?"

"I have no idea what you are implying!" the Potions' Master sneered whipping around to face her.

"You're pathetic! Voldemort had his little servants get me out of the way. I think you might know them: Rookwood, Mulciber, Travers, Selwyn, Macnair— need I go on?" she turned to glare at Snape who was already looking daggers at her reflection in the window.

"We get the point, thanks. What did they do?" he said sarcastically.

"They tortured me. Your friend Mulciber blinded me instead of tying me up since he's got the same skills as a mountain troll. I managed to escape by calling Dementors after Voldemort fell," she explained.

"So, what happened afterwards?" Dumbledore asked. Alex got up from the armchair she was lounging on and went over to gaze at the Pensieve.

"Before I was captured, I was heading to Godric's Hollow to take all of them to Nusquam, the star, but I was late someone tipped Voldemort off and everything fell apart. When I got here, I knew I only had a few minutes before I vanished. I had to fulfill the pact made with the star, but I needed to tell you; I owed it to the both of you. Nusquam lived through me these last few years and it kept me safe," she explained.

"So, you _literally_ went 'Nowhere'," Snape muttered rolling his eyes.

"Yes, I thought I had been gone four or five years, but let's say that stars don't really get the concept of time," she mumbled as she ran fingers through her hair.

"Have you any idea why your hair is red now?" Dumbledore asked. In all the years Dumbledore had seen Lennox, she'd had short dark brown hair. Now, though, her hair was wildly displayed around her face and it had turned a fiery shade of red.

"I reckon it was he flames. I tried to get it off, but it just creeps back in. I honestly can't believe it's been twelve years, I don't feel different," she muttered gazing at the light blue liquid.

"You don't look any different," he answered kindly.

"That's because she only spent a few years up there," said Severus turning around toward the other two.

"So, you're saying that I'm not twenty-nine, but I'm twenty?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

"It would seem so," he muttered. His face was stoic, but his forehead was slightly creased. There were lines on his face which hadn't been there the last time she'd seen him. He looked older than a man in his thirties should.

"Dumbledore, could I come back as a student?" she asked.

"I don't know why you'd want to," the Headmaster laughed.

"I need to graduate, don't I? I was made helping Auror under 'extreme measures', I think the Minister of Magic would have a fit if I popped by his office after twelve years," she giggled. Snape ignored her and slowly paced around the office.

"What house were you in?" Severus asked abruptly.

"And you have to ask?" she remarked. Her gaze momentarily darkened as the memory of losing her family came back to her.

"From your cheek I'm guessing Gryffindor," he muttered.

"Touché," she said with a smirk. She ran her wand up in a swift motion and her school robes appeared. Severus rolled his eyes stalking toward the door.

"Professor Snape, would you be so kind to escort Miss Cromwell back to her Common Room?" Dumbledore asked.

"If I may, Headmaster, I don't think it wise to send her to her Common Room. She's been gone a long time, what will she tell Potter and his curious little friends?" Snape asked grimacing.

"You _do_ have a point," Alex agreed surprising herself and the Potions' Master.

"We'll figure out your accommodations tomorrow afternoon," Dumbledore smiled as the office seemed to eject them into the corridor. The two stared at each other for a moment.

 _I'm sorry for everything, I really tried. I know it's not fair_ , Alex nudged a thought his way. He shook his head as though telling her to stop.

"Where did you learn Occlumency?" he asked as they sauntered down the hall.

"I taught myself after taking my OWLs during my fifth year," she answered.

"I need to go check on a few Potions—"

"I can escort myself, Professor Snape. No worries," Alex smiled. He nodded and stalked off quickly down a winding staircase.

 _I'm not mad at you. You tried to correct my mistake,_ came a whisper in the back of her mind.

 _It's not your fault either, the Dark Lord was would have been notified anyway. You didn't betray them, Black did,_ she answered.

She wandered carefully through the halls holding her lit wand by her side. The castle was unusually quiet, but the sleeping portraits seemed to welcome her home. She missed sneaking out during the night to go to the Astronomy tower and sit on the roof with one of the many books she could stop reading tucked under her arm.

The castle hadn't changed a bit. She reminisced, ghosts of memories playing out before her eyes and she walked out into the courtyard. The waning moon peered down in between the heavy storm clouds that threatened to release their deluge.


	4. Flickering fraudulence

"Miss Cromwell, you come back after twelve years and you barely even say hello to _me_?" said a stern voice. Alex whipped around to see Professor McGonagall who was restraining herself from laughing.

"Of course not, Professor. I was just going back to my common room, you see," she smiled.

"Well, then, let me escort you," the woman said.

"Nothing's really changed, but if I think about everyone who's not here anymore, it feels like a lifetime ago," Alex said. Her eyes were trained on the ground to hide her face.

"Everything and nothing, dear. You'll meet Potter, of course—"

"Wait, you mean Lily and James' son? What year is he in?"

"He's a delightful third-year and a great Seeker, just like James. You shouldn't tell him that, it might go to his head," explained the professor.

"I guess I _have_ to meet him now, don't I?" grinned Alex.

"I also lost one of my best Chasers in history," McGonagall hinted not so subtly.

"I'd rather sit back and watch, actually," Alex said.

"If you change your mind, you know where to find me, Cromwell."

They had stopped in front of the portrait of the Fat-Lady. After a few more minutes, Professor McGonagall bid Alex a good night and handed her a schedule with the concealed password. She entered through the whole behind the portrait and was greeted by a few red-haired boys, two girls and another boy with wild dark hair.

"Hello, who are you?" asked one of the redheads.

"I'm Alexandria," she said scratching the back of her neck.

"Are you a transfer?"

"Yeah, something like that," she smiled. She was going to have a word with Dumbledore.

"Cool, I'm Fred and these are George, Ron, Ginny, Harry and Hermione," Fred explained. Alex's attention focused on Harry. He was the spitting image of James, but his eyes were exactly like Lily's. Alex let out a shaky breath as the guilt plummeted onto her chest.

"Grand, what year are you guys in?" Alexandria asked pushing the guilt out of her mind.

"Fred and I are in fifth," said George.

"We're in third," said the bushy haired girl, Hermione.

"And I'm in second," said Ginny.

"What about you?" asked Harry.

"I think Dumbledore said seventh," Alex shrugged.

"You get to take your NEWT's, you're so lucky," gushed Hermione.

"You can take them for me if you'd like," Alex grinned, "would you mind showing me where I could drop off my things?"

"Where's your trunk, though?" asked George.

"Oh right," Alex rummaged through the pendant around her neck and pulled out a galleon sized trunk. She waved her wand and enlarged it.

"You can do non-verbal magic like that?" asked the twins.

"Yeah, it's a common engorgement charm," Alex shrugged. Hermione and Ginny led her up the steps of the girls' dormitory.

"So what school are you from?" asked Ginny.

"Uhm... Ilvermorny, I was in Thunderbird house," Alex lied.

"Cool, you don't sound American," Hermione noted.

"I grew up in Ireland, I was going to attend here but my parents were relocated to New York," Alex mumbled. She hated lying. _God, I am going to hell for this_. It's not like she could tell them 'hey, I've presumably been dead for the past twelve years, but I've actually been living in outer space. I am really twenty-nine, but space preserved me from aging for I look like I'm barely twenty. Oh, and I knew your parents Harry', now could she?

"What do your parents do?" asked Ginny. Alex fought the urge to roll her eyes. Ginny was only trying to strike up a conversation, it wasn't her fault.

"They're Unspeakables. When do we get our schedules?" Alex answered. It wasn't a complete lie. Her parents had started out as Auror, but took up jobs in the Department of Mysteries after she was born.

"McGonagall usually comes by in the morning and leaves the lots of them downstairs," said Ginny.

"Oh, okay. I think I'll start heading to bed. Thank you for giving me a hand," Alex smiled earnestly. 

"Don't mention it, just remember me before selling all your notes," chirped Hermione.

Alex barked a laugh and laid down. So many nights she had laid awake staring at the ceiling of her dorm fussing over what she had and hadn't learned, but now she merely wished to go back to when the worst thing that could happen was spilling ink over a new stack of parchment.

**I know it's a bit shorter than the previous chapter. The next few chapter will be longe**

**Thank you for reading guys :)**

**-O**


	5. Blazing bustle

After counting the lines in the wooden ceiling at least fifty times and listening to the other two girls' slow breathing, Alex sighed and pulled herself into a sitting position. The crimson curtains around her bed overwhelmed her. She slowly got up and headed to the common room. She sat herself in an armchair and stared absentmindedly at the low flames. Twelve years earlier she had been a hard-working sixth year, a member of the Order of the Phoenix, an apprentice for the Auror office and a decent Chaser for the Gryffindor team. All those things had vanished overnight and with them so had the spark, the will to pursue something for herself. Alex sighed and quickly made her way out into the Corridor. A few minutes later she was sitting on the cliffs next to the Black Lake. She spent the rest of the night there, staring up at the moon and wondering why she had been booted from Nusquam at that particular moment.

Before she knew it a particularly loud squawk made her jolt. A large Hippogriff was calmly rustling its feathers a few yards away. Alex bowed to it and quickly made her way toward the castle. The warm smell of breakfast wafted through the halls as she reached the Great Hall.

"Oi, Alex!" Fred waved her over.

"Good morning," she smiled slightly as she grabbed a piece of toast.

"You're not in your robes and you look even more exhausted than last-night," George noticed.

"Well, thanks," she muttered and quickly waved her wand to change into them.

"Are you sure you're a seventh year? I don't know what they teach at Ilvermorny, but it's quite advanced!" he continued.

"Uh, I'm good with Charms. I was chosen to transfer because of it," she rubbed the back of her neck.

"Say, are you any good at Divination?" asked Fred.

"I wouldn't take the class if a dragon was chasing me," she laughed. Alex was dreading walking into professor Trelawny, but she knew she woman usually stayed in her classroom drinking sherry.

"So, what classes have you got today?" asked Hermione suddenly plopping down next to Alex making her yelp.

"First I've got Transfiguration with Hufflepuff, then History of Magic and Charms with Ravenclaw, double Defense Against the Dark Arts with Hufflepuff and Ancient Runes with the birdies," Alex said. McGonagall had whipped up a heftily packed schedule for her.

"You're taking Ancient Runes, too? Harry and Ron said I was probably the only student in the whole school to take it," Hermione mumbled angrily.

"I've been since my fourth year, I find it reasonably useful," Alex replied, "say, Hermione, who is that teacher over there next to Professor McGonagall?"

"Oh, that's Professor Lupin, he's the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, you see, we've been having trouble with keeping one for more than a year," Hermione answered, but Alex had stopped listening once she'd said his name. Alex quickly excused herself and almost ran to Dumbledore's office. After muttering the names of a few sweets, the gargoyle leapt aside, and she burst through the golden doors.

"Albus, why didn't you tell me Remus Lupin was teaching Defence ?" she panted. The Headmaster eyed her over his half-moon spectacles and covered his mouth to stop from laughing.

"Calm down, sit," the older wizard chuckled.

"Does he know I'm here?" she asked sitting down across

"Oh dear, it must have slipped my mind," Dumbledore shrugged.

"If he faints when he sees me it's your fault," Alex glared at him playfully.

"Fine by me. You should go, you don't want to be late to Transfiguration, do you?" he asked.

Alex nodded and rushed to McGonagall's classroom.

"Miss Cromwell take a seat. I hope you won't be arriving nearly late to my class the rest of the year," McGonagall said sternly. Alex nearly paled.

"No, professor, of course not," she muttered and took a seat at the end of the class.

The next few hours went by quickly. History of Magic was even more boring than she remembered but she was glad professor Binns didn't remember her. She gladly slept through the class since sleep hadn't exactly welcomed her with open arms the night before.

Professor Flitwick giggled when she entered his classroom and fussed over her on their way to lunch. By the time she sat down at the Gryffindor table, her stomach was rumbling loudly, and the side of her hand was slightly stained with ink from copying her notes. Her head was slightly spinning and her eyes felt tight and dry from the exhaustion setting in, but her mind was rapidly absorbing concepts and filtering out all other noises.

"Are you _already_ doing homework?" asked George incredulously. Alex shrugged and turned back to her parchment. By the end of the meal, was almost done with her Transfiguration essay on default measures and exceptions and her food had been nibbled on but had become cold.

"Merlin—" Alex cursed as she ran up the stairs to the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. She skidded to a halt almost slipping on the smooth marble floor and missing the door.

"Good afternoon, you are—" said Professor Lupin glancing at her as he looked at her seated classmates then doing a doubletake. Remus Lupin had been her study friend in school. The two would often meet up in the library to either hide from bullies or from James and Sirius' obnoxious hyperactive prank-pulling brains. Alex could notice the thin scars left from the last full moon and the somewhat polished look his moustache gave him. He looked so much older than how she remembered but was glad to see that his hair wasn't all over the place as it once was.

"Late, sir. It won't happen again," she smiled not looking at him.

"Alright, settle down," Lupin said eyeing her, "today we'll be working on the effects of Curse object on the body, turn to page 78 and begin reading Mr. Montgomery, if you may."

One of Alex's classmates started reading as she took notes and skimmed the next few chapters. She was nibbling on the end of her quill when Professor Lupin stopped by her desk. She froze and had to bite her tongue to control the grin that threatened to creep onto her face.

"See me after class," he muttered through his teeth. Alex nodded not looking at him as he passed.

Soon enough her set the homework for the following week and dismissed the class early. Alex sat at her desk, slowly packing her things.

"You wanted to see me, professor?" Alex asked feigning innocence as she walked to his desk. Lupin merely stared at her, studying her every feature.

"Where did you say you transferred from?" he asked.

"I didn't, sir," she answered, "I attended Ilvermorny, in America."

"Did you really think I'd buy it?" he rolled his eyes.

"I was getting worried that you'd been obliviated, Remus dear," she laughed hugging him tightly.

"All these years—I thought you'd died or gone missing after that night but... you're here," he stared at her disbelievingly.

"It's a long story," she said.

"I bet it is. Join me for a walk at five?" he asked.

"Sure," Alex smiled.

"I can't believe you're actually alive," he said running his hands through his hair.

"I'm sorry for everything that happened," Alex mumbled, her eyes suddenly trained on the cracks on the floor as her bottom lip quivered.

"It wasn't your fault, Lex. Sirius turned on all of us, even Dumbledore said so," Remus sighed patting her on the back.

"I should get going, I have Ancient Runes next," she said sadly.

"Don't look so glum, I only gave you a half-foot essay," Remus smirked.

"Goodbye, _Professor Moony_ ," Alex jested and skipped out of the classroom.

Alex cursed at her schedule as she realised that the classroom was down two floors on another wing of the castle. She distractedly admired the streams of light that leaked lazily through the windows. Her mind was still going over her conversation with the person who had been one of her best friends in her school years even if he'd been five years older than her. After the Marauders had graduated, they kept in touch and once she had joined the Order of the Phoenix, they became inseparable on missions and at meetings. Sirius and James were still prone to wreaking havoc, although it was good-humoured and well-intended, but it seemed that they slightly 'matured'. After Lily and James' wedding, the whole Voldemort situation escalated so the group rarely saw each other, if not at meetings. 

The Ancient Runes classroom was definitely smaller than she remembered, and the although she had always found the subject interesting the lesson seemed to drone on for ages. Her mind bounced from one idea to the next, mostly revolving on how to explain the last twelve years of her existence to one of the only people who remembered her from before the war. 

Before taking on the mission to protect James and Lily, Alex had infiltrated the Ministry through her Auror training, to keep an eye out for any suspicious activities involving the Minister of Magic and his aides. She had quickly realised that the Auror with whom she worked had been Imperiused, so she had taken the first field mission available. That mission resulted in a fiasco of sorts and soon after the first battles started, then Voldemort fell out of power and she disappeared.

*****A/N: Hiya hoomans, what are you guys up to? Hope you are all well and safe. Sorry for the long wait, I'll try to post as quickly as I can from now on. What Houses are you guys in?***  
**


	6. Effulgent Euphony

The weather was changing. Cold drafts from further North could be felt in the castle when the wind was particularly unkind. Alex made her way down to the courtyard where she knew Lupin would come find her. She sat on the stones which confined a bleary looking flowerbed.

Almost as if on cue, Remus stepped out from the castle a few minutes later.

"Hey," she half-smiled.

"Hello yourself," he said. Alex rolled her eyes. He was still the awkward werewolf she knew.

"Where are we headed?" she asked as they made their way toward the bridge.

"Butterbeer in Hogsmeade sound good?"

Alex nodded taking in her surroundings. The Black Lake that spread in front of them glistened under the weakening rays of sunshine. The island on the other end looked particularly unkempt. The rays of sunshine seemed to stop when they reached the Forbidden Forest ominously enveloped the other side of the castle.

"It's good to be back, it's been way too long. Although, you must have quite a few questions and I cannot blame you," she said.

"It's feels like a lifetime ago," Remus agreed, "what happened that night, Alex?"

"I guess you know that Sirius tipped off You-Know-Who's posse. I thought he'd actually, I don't know actually..." she trailed off, "well, I was about to take them to a safer location, but I was captured and tortured, after a while I managed to get away, but—" she stopped as they reached the front gate. Remus looked at her sympathetically and patted her shoulder.

"As I said—" he started.

"I don't need your sympathy, Remus. I know what happened, you lost your best friends and you might not blame me, but I do," Alex said.

"It's not like you vowed it," he exclaimed scratching his head.

"Don't speak of what you don't know, Lupin," she growled as she pulled up the sleeve on her right arm. The once shiny scar-like marks had turned a mean dark purple colour and the veins on her arm looked like they were partially filled with black ink.

"What is that?" Remus gasped.

"I vowed on it. James and I thought it would be for the best, Lily did not fully approve but it was our safest option. I vowed to protect them with my life, yet I don't see them running around with their five children!" Alex seethed as tears threatened to spill over.

"You did protect them, Lex."

"Then why aren't they alive, huh? Most importantly, though, why am I alive if the are not?" she whispered. By now they were on the outskirts of Hogsmeade. Remus had his arm around her shoulders and was running a hand up her arm. The cobbled streets were filling with memories of some of the best snowball fights she had had, both with and without the Marauders.

"I haven't the slightest, but you know what James would say?" Remus asked raising an eyebrow.

"Ride on and don't ask questions," Alex said theatrically and wiped a few tears from her face.

"Exactly. Now, are you up for a Butterbeer or do you want to go raid Zonko's?" he asked. She knew he was trying to cheer her up.

"I reckon a Butterbeer will do," Alex smiled. She knew she was some coins with her, the real problem was Lupin, knowing that he wouldn't let her spend a knut.

"Your wish is my command, lead the way."

Twenty minutes later, they were comfortably sitting at a table in the Hog's Head, both nursing deliciously warm drinks. They'd opted out of going to the Three Broomsticks since it was usually a more trafficked spot and no one, save from Hogwarts' professors, knew Alex was alive.

"Forgive me, but where were you all these years?"

"I was on a star. I was going to take the three Potters with me that night," Alex answered hiding her face in her drink.

"How did you manage to get on a star?"

"Ancient magic, I used an Egyptian preservation technique," she stated simply.

"So that's why you haven't aged?" he asked.

"I have, five years instead of twelve, but still... I _feel_ like five years have passed, but I _know_ it's been longer. It's almost as if I've been standing completely still while you all whisked around me," Alex explained.

"Why are you at Hogwarts? You and I both know you don't need the schooling," Remus said.

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Hogwarts is my home. Since my parents died, I've only known the people who were here," she shrugged.

"Oh, how touching," came a deep voice laced with sarcasm.

"Hello, Severus. I was beginning to wonder when you'd make your presence known to us. If I recall correctly, eavesdropping hasn't really worked out for you in the past, has it?" Alex replied noxiously.

"It's _Professor Snape_ to you, Cromwell," he bit back at her. Alex knew Snape wasn't a man to mess with, but his arrogant demeanour and misanthropic vibe irked her beyond belief given that she'd been there to work out the problems he'd created in the first place.

"Professor Snape, would you like to join us?" asked Lupin.

"I'd rather not associate with mongrels. If it hasn't slipped your flea-infested mind, Miss Cromwell is a student and as such isn't allowed to come and go from the castle as she pleases."

Remus opened his mouth to retort, but Alex kicked his foot and shook her head. Snape was already in a foul mood; she didn't need the two to re-enact past squabbles.

"That's what I thought. Now, twenty points from Gryffindor and, let's say, a weeks' worth of detentions?" Snape glowered as he turned toward Alex.

"Of course, my Lord," Alex bowed her head slightly. Snape lurched forward and grasped the neck of her sweater.

"Two weeks," he snarled. Their faces were less than a foot apart. Out of the corner of her eye, Alex could see that Remus was trying to ascertain if he should laugh or be worried for her safety.

"Bestow me with the details, sir," she glared at him. Snape was fuming, Alex was slightly entertained. Their gazes were locked and neither gave indication of faltering. She could do this all day, and he was stubborn as he was dark.

"Eight o' clock. My office, starting this evening," Snape replied as he released her from his grip. He dramatically stalked off without another word. Alex rolled her eyes and turned back to Remus.

"I thought you were a goner for a moment from the way he looked at you," Lupin chuckled.

"He's all bark. I reckon we should start heading back before Snape has another fit," Alex said as she pulled out a handful of sickles. Remus was about to protest, but she merely shook her head. He huffed and turned to bring their empty glasses to the counter.

"Next time it's my turn," he said.

"Next time, I recommend a cup of tea in the Room of Requirement, lest Slytherboy should be lurking about. Besides, I still owed you a Butterbeer," Alex replied.

"I owe you an infinity of Chocolate Frogs," he smiled.

"Whatever, Moony," she grinned and shoved him playfully.

They swiftly left Hogsmeade and made their way toward the castle. They made it just in time for dinner, where they departed and respectfully joined their allotted seats. Hermione basically impounded Alex and started talking about Ancient Runes.

Despite the bruising pain of the loss, Alex was relieved. She'd rekindled with a friend. A part of her, finally felt like it had been grounded after too much time in which she'd been adrift.


	7. Comfortless Concoction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hiya, how are you guys? I've been writing like crazy these last few days, and I really like editing things that I've already written. I hope you've liked the story so far.

As dinner ended, Alex briefly explained that she had detention with Snape because she'd been wandering around the grounds and had been caught by the Forbidden Forest. The Weasley twins grimaced and gave her their condolences before zipping off the Gryffindor Common Room. After most of the student body had exited the Great Hall, Alex pulled out some parchment and completed the essays she'd started during lunch.

It seemed just moments alter that her enchanted watch flashed a white light to alert her of the time. Alex frowned and stacked her books neatly in her rucksack before shrinking it and stuffing it hastily in her pockets. She fidgeted with her fingers as she made her way to the dungeons. She was strangely curious about what he'd make her do during these next few weeks.

"Enter, Miss Cromwell, or do you fancy standing behind closed doors?" Snape spoke from inside the classroom before her hand came in contact with the door. She hastily entered the room and was met with an aggravated glare from the one and only Potions' Master.

"What am I to do, professor?" she asked politely. She wanted to get the detentions over with as a few books in the restricted section called out to her.

"I must say, I'm almost impressed, Albus said you were a fast learner, but I never thought you'd learn your manners in only a few short hours," Snape jeered getting up from his desk. He slowly walked over to where she stood and scrutinised her. Alex resisted the urge to roll her eyes at him and maintained a dead-pan expression.

"Sir?" she coaxed.

"What can you tell me about the Wolfsbane potion?" he asked.

"It's a particularly complex brew invented by Damocles Belby which relieves people affected by lycanthropy of most symptoms and allows them to keep their mind during the transformation," Alex answered. Snape was walking circles around her. She supposed it was one of his intimidation tactics, it definitely wasn't working on her but she kept her face neutral since she was on his 'territory'.

"Proceed," he said flatly gesturing a larger cauldron which was propped up on the professor's working station. Alex quickly gathered the necessary ingredients as Snape watched her closely. She quickly added water to the cauldron and set a mix of blue ginger and standard ingredient inside it. She had found that adding the blue ginger helped increased the anti-nausea effects. She stoked the flame and prodded the cauldron's belly.

"I was under the impression I said to brew Wolfsbane not ginger tea," Snape remarked.

"Blue ginger maximizes helps with the upset stomach," she replied. She briefly glanced at him and realised that her was standing on the other side of the countertop a few feet away from her and was working on his own brew. He met her gaze briefly but said nothing. _So you want a challenge, Slytherboy._

"Why?" she asked.

"Could you be any vaguer, Miss Cromwell?" Snape said.

"I thought I was going to do lines or clean whatever, why make me brew a potion you very well know could go terribly wrong and waste many valuable ingredients?" she asked.

"I suggest you don't get it wrong then or there will be further consequences. Besides, I was under the impression that you and the mutt had some sort of bond, no?"

"He's a friend I haven't seen in a while," Alex stated as she took the herbs out of the infused water and proceeded to add a teaspoon of powdered moonstone, a pinch of sea pepper kernels and five finely diced aconite roots before swirling the thickening liquid and lowering the flame. Snape was now staring at her every movement. After a few minutes she squeezed in the juice from ten Dittany leaves and started crushing moonseed over the brew. She took a ladle of the brew off the fire and soaked the aconite flowers in it for what felt like the longest fifteen minutes of her life.

"You added five moonseeds instead of six," Snape remarked.

"Wow, you know how to count," she uttered under her breath. Snape's expression darkened but he didn't seem to blow a gasket. The professor turned back to his own brew and stubbornly added six crushed moonseeds.

"What did you tell your fellow housemates?" he asked abruptly. Her head snapped up from watching her brew simmer.

"I told them I'm a transfer from Ilvermorny," she replied.

They were silent until she took the potion off the fire and set it in the moonlight, she then placed a magnifying glass in front of it and muttered a few words so as to intensify the beam.

A few minutes later, Snape stepped directly in front of her and took a sample of her potion. He studied it for a few minutes then added a drop of what Alex presumed was werewolf blood. The potion went yellow for an instant the returned to its original colour.

"It's satisfactory," Snape said through his teeth.

"Let's see yours then," Alex challenged raising an eyebrow. Snape narrowed his eyes at her as he proceeded to put their potions into vials.

"I scrub those cauldrons, then file those papers," he ignored her. Alex sighed and started cleaning without another word.

An hour later, she was sweating and wrist deep in what should have been a Shrinking solution. _Cauldron number 15, I'm sorry for what happened to you._ The vessel was thoroughly singed and the goo on the inside smelled like putrefying flesh. She absently reached back into the cauldron after wringing her sponge. Alex gasped when she felt a sudden stabbing pain go through her right hand.

"What is it?" Snape asked peering up from his desk where he had been reading.

"Nothing, sir," Alex answered as she assessed her hand. A pointed shard of what looked like glass had gone through her palm and exited behind her ring finger. _Fabulous_. Alex quickly snapped the protruding ends and kept working. She'd had worse and she wasn't going to give Snape any excuse to belittle her.

"It's unbecoming to lie, Cromwell," said Snape who was now standing a few feet from her. She felt him try to infiltrate her mind. His offense was subtle, but it still felt like a needle poking a balloon save for the pain. She chuckled to herself and let him think he'd got through her barriers.

"Do you honestly think I'd let you waltz into my mind, just like that?" she snapped her finger at him. He was sitting at his desk, his gaze fixed blindly on her and sweat glistened on his furrowed brow. Ten minutes later, he relented and frustratedly buried his face in a book.

Alex glanced at her hand blood was now streaming down onto the floor. The shard had probably nicked some blood vessel. She had been on the planet for a little over twenty-four hours and she was already bleeding, it must be a record. She finished cleaning the cauldron as the pain in her hand started escalating but said nothing.

The papers were easy enough to organize. Snape was quite neat; everything in his 'lair' had a place. She was done in less than ten minutes. Alex was about to speak when she found Snape staring at her. His eyes narrowed on her bleeding and now swollen extremity.

"I would offer some Dittany, but since you insist on being so insufferably proud and touchy just go to the Hospital Wing," Snape said flatly.

"As I said, professor, don't pretend to care it's blatantly depressing. May I go now?" she said wiping the stream of blood from her arm. She stared him down and felt him shift uncomfortably under her gaze. She smirked internally. Her small frame had somehow successfully made a man, who was at least a head taller than she, uneasy.

"Yes, get out," he whipped around to glare at the wall.

Alex didn't need to be told twice. She sped from the room and up towards the warmer floors of the castle. Her head was whizzing. Snape was rude and chaotic, but she was drawn to him because he was also extreme intelligent and stubborn. She barely knew him, yet he was giving her whiplash. One moment he was decent and the next he was growling at her. The Potions' Master sounded like the 'dunderheads' happened to teach. No wonder he hated children; he was one. Alex shook her head dizzily. Maybe the lack of human contact for so long just made her overly sensitive to every interaction and she was being unfair. She carefully entered the Gryffindor common room and was relieved to see that no one was awake. After summoning a bowl of ice water, she sat by the fire. Biting down on the collar of her sweater, Alex removed the glass shard and started muttering healing incantations at her hand.


	8. Vexing Vigil

The house colours were somehow enhanced by the fire and blanketed her in the otherwise quite large room. Red and gold enveloped her mind and soon she felt like no time whatsoever had passed. If she wandered up to her bed, she could find Hannah and Tabitha sleeping peacefully. If she were to poke her head out into the hall, she'd probably be able to spot a slightly drunk Professor Slughorn ambling about. She could almost hear Timothy Clemens, a boy a few years younger than her, talking in his sleep from the boys' dormitory.

"Hey, are you alright? Fred and George told me you had detention with Snape," whispered Hermione coming down the staircase. Alex whipped around her wand in her hand and pointed it at her. The younger girl gaped at her with saucer-sized eyes. As soon as Alex snapped out of her dazed and realised it was Hermione, she dropped her wand to the floor.

"Sorry—I'm a bit jumpy," Alex apologized quickly.

"No worries," the girl replied hesitantly as she stood behind the long sofa.

"I won't bite, scout's honour," Alex tried.

"I'm not worried about that, mind you," Hermione admitted.

"I've been in my fair share of duel, let's say," Alex replied.

"I don't mean to pry, but is that why you transferred from Ilvermorny?" Hermione asked. That question put Alex on the spot. _I'm already going to hell for lying and almost hexing the living daylights out of a thirteen-year-old, what's a little more lying going to do?_ she thought.

"House rivalry is ruthless there. I got hurt and the people who did it weren't caught, so I chose to transfer," Alex shrugged.

"I'm sorry," Hermione said.

"It's fine. I'm here now and if it weren't for them, I wouldn't have met you and I definitely wouldn't have seen all this," Alex waved her hand around.

"Did you get sorted last night?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah. The hat was a bit unsure of where to put me, though," Alex said.

"Really? I was almost sorted into Ravenclaw."

"My parents are both descendants of a long line Slytherins, then my father somehow ended up in Hufflepuff."

Alex felt a sharp twinge in her chest. Her parents had been dead since she was thirteen; they'd been blown up in a Ministry raid done by infiltrated Death Eaters.

"Really? So, the hat wanted to put you in Slytherin?"

Alex nodded sadly. Her Sorting ceremony hadn't gone that smooth. She'd stalled the Hat for a good ten minutes. The poor Hat kept almost sorting her into Slytherin but then he'd freak out and start the process all over again, asking her increasingly odd questions. McGonagall had look bewildered, then as the hat shouted 'Gryffindor' she had actually smiled and for weeks she'd had a proud expression lingering on her face.

"What happened to your hand?" Hermione asked panicked.

"Oh, it's just a cut," Alex said trying her best to sound reassuring. The gaping wound she had was now replaced with a mean looking cut, good thing blood wasn't dripping everywhere anymore.

"You should go ask Madame Pomfrey to have a look at it."

"I'll go tomorrow morning before class. You should go back to sleep, Hermione, don't let me keep you."

"You need to sleep, too."

"I'll be up in a bit; I need to sort out an essay. We can study together if you want tomorrow," Alex said. Hermione nodded vigorously which earned her a laugh from Alex and then disappeared up the steps.

As soon as Alex was alone, she tidied up after herself and left. After casting an adequate Disillusionment Charm on herself, she made her way to the library. Alex knew she'd get little to no sleep as all she saw when she closed her eyes were all the people she couldn't save. Her two best friends were dead; killed with their families during the summer of her fourth year. Half of what would have been her graduating class was now six feet under. Thoughts whizzed about her mind, almost resembling whispers of those she'd seen die.

She silently opened the door to the library, then to the Restricted section. Strangely enough, there was no sign of Mrs. Norris or Filch. He hadn't been particularly happy to see her in the halls. Dumbledore must have mentioned her to him because he'd looked daggers at her that morning.

Alex caressed the spines of a few books before settling in a chair with a few Transfiguration books hovering beside her. She read on into the night and soon enough the sun was beginning to rise. Alex sighed. She could have sworn she'd been there only a few minutes, but time had once again fooled her. Still concealed, she went back to her Common Room. It was nearly a quarter past six. If she was lucky, she'd be able to sleep an hour. It was still better than nothing. Alex had always had problems when it came to sleeping. The whole idleness of the activity made her worry endlessly on what she had and hadn't done, thus resulting in many sleepless nights. Even on Nusquam, she often spent hours on end reading or staring absently at her surroundings instead of sleeping. Then again, she couldn't really consider that normal since her heart hadn't uttered a single thump in the years she spent up there.

As thoughts of the galaxies above whirled before her eyes, Alex found respite finally dozing off, fully dressed on her bed. 


	9. Wounding Willpower

The next few weeks seemed to fly by as students got submerged in projects, essays and test practices. Alex had been growing more increasingly restless, her marks were excellent, yet she couldn't hold still. She had taken up walking around the Black Lake on warmer nights. The sounds of the water and the occasional caw from Hagrid's Hippogriff calmed her enough to let her walk in a sort of trance like state. The night air whipped her face and she'd often wake up with red cheeks and chapped lips, but Alex didn't acknowledge it in the slightest.

She often felt she'd left parts of her mind scattered in space and time. One minute she'd be in class, the next she'd be walking in the moonlight with her eyes trained lazily on her surroundings and then she'd be sitting at breakfast trying to conceal the steadily darkening circles under her eyes. Her appetite had vanished as her mind took a front-row seat in her life. She was completely absorbed in her own world filled with loss, pain, guilt and magic so powerful it overwhelmed her to the core. Images of every corpse she'd seen repetitively flashed before her eyes like a run on film. She remembered the tortured faces and the smirking faces of her schoolmates who had become Death Eaters. She remembered Piers, young Dolohov and Crawford ambushing her by the Quidditch pitch in her fifth year. She also kept hearing their voices scattered about the castle. She could hear her friends whisper and laugh in classrooms, their weightless voices seemed to leak from the cracks in the stone walls and from the seams on windowsills. She felt haunted, in the rare moment she wasn't pestered by them, she'd freeze up dreading their return. Inevitably, they always seemed to find you.

When her fellow Gryffindors would approach her, she'd put on a convincing front and talk for a little while, before excusing herself to go do homework in the Room of Requirement. She spent most of her time in there because of the silence. In that room, her frenzied mind could find solace from the endless noise of the outside. Soon enough, Alex started working on her duelling skills. She'd blast anything and everything in the room in an attempt to relinquish the ties with her emotions. She knew she'd always been good at fending for herself in battle, that her abilities and knowledge usually gave her a decent advantage. In the weeks she retired in the Come and Go Room, her wandwork became exceedingly precise. The room adapted to what she needed, and every time she'd enter it she was greeted with a different setting and different spells to fend off. Most of the time she'd get out unscathed, but at times she'd remerge with a few scratches and burns since the room had a strange habit of making flamethrowers appear every so often.

Soon enough Halloween arrived. Tonight was the night everything had gone terribly wrong. The night the balance broke, the evening she was unable to protect her friends; the night they lost their lives because she was running late. Excited students loitered in the halls whispering creepy stories and rumours amongst each other. They all seemed genuinely happy, because of the celebration and having the next few days off. Alex had been one of them, but now she was a shell of a person. She didn't have the energy nor the interest to delve into such seemingly shallow conversations.

During lunch she guiltily glanced over to Harry, who thankfully was oblivious. He didn't know the whole story and for some reason it made Alex feel jealous, angry and even more ashamed than before. The boy had no idea. He didn't know about Sirius or the Order, about his parents, about all the death and torture many had to endure.

"Hey, how do you reckon your Transfiguration exam went?" asked Percy as he munched on a piece of steak. She'd grown fond of the serious boy. His disciplined demeanour made him look significantly older than seventeen. They were in the same year and in the same classes, but fortunately neither him nor Alex fussed over school rumours, graduation and dates in Hogsmeade unlike a good eighty percent of the seventh years.

"It wasn't bad, McGonagall didn't exactly go easy on us. I appreciated the question on interactions and limitations between Gamp's laws, the legal system and matter. What about you?"

"It was well structured. I would have like more questions on Transfiguration ranges, though," he answered.

"I'm happy it's over and we get the next few days off. You have no idea how hard McGonagall's been pestering me about our Quidditch game against Slytherin in November. I'm somewhat worried it's going to be a fiasco like the one against Hufflepuff," Alex sighed.

"Good thing you weren't playing. My brothers said it was terrible even with water-repellent charms and dragon hide gloves," Percy said.

"Well, I'm the replacement. I've been training in every position possible and Spinnet wants out because she's up to her neck in OWL work."

"I hope you won't have to dribble a Quaffle through a school of Dementors then," Percy grinned.

"Charming. I'm going to have a shower before everyone starts freaking out for tonight's celebrations," Alex said getting up from her seat. Stars and black spots danced in front of her for a few moments, but she proceeded to exit the Great Hall looking seemingly unfazed.

She knew full well she was overdue for a good eight hours of sleep and a decent meal, but nothing really mattered when she could keep sipping a strong Wideye potion every few hours. She hadn't slept for more than two hours in three weeks. The nightmares terrified her; she would have preferred the haunting memories any time. Death and flashes of green light wove their way in and out of constricting walls and lakes full of blood and innards.

Alex got clothes out of her trunk and quickly reached the Girls' bathroom. She opened the tap and waited for the water heat to a decently scalding temperature. She undressed and plopped down into the tub. Alex just sat there as the water rose. She then submerged herself. Soon enough she remerged panting as her vision had clouded over from the lack of oxygen. She jumped as she noticed that the scars on her arm had started bleeding. It looked like the scorching water healed their embossed shape in spite of the stable grape colour, but, in turn, they'd bled profusely. She got out after washing herself as the water in the tub had turned a faint red colour. The bleeding started to slow but it took a good twenty minutes for it to stop. The scent of blood was overwhelming. She could feel the metallic taste plug up her airway and grip onto her skin. It felt like she was stuck in one of her nightmares. Nausea quickly made sure she emptied the contents of her stomach. As she kept dry heaving, Alex rinsed her mouth and dressed in dark green sweatpants and a thick grey sweater and sneakers.

She gave herself a once over in the mirror. Regardless of how she dressed, Alex looked darker: her face was usually sallow, her once lively figure quickly grew thin and weakened, her eyes sunk in and her fiery hair became dull and definitely too long. Her once intense eyes were extremely matted, almost like a veil had fallen over them.

She quickly wrapped herself in a woollen cloak and headed out of the bathroom. Soon enough she was in the Gryffindor Common Room, where she exchanged her toiletries for her rucksack in which she'd hidden a bottle of firewhisky. She exited the room once again and was heading towards the Room of Requirement when she ran into Remus.

"Hey, where are you going?" he asked jogging to catch up with her. He was wearing tan corduroy trousers, a white shirt and an olive-green V-necked sweater.

"I'm headed to the library. I need to work on a few essays. Where are you off to?" she lied.

"I'm returning to my office. It seems like I haven't seen you at all these past few weeks, would you fancy getting that cup of tea we had talked about?" he asked shyly. Remus truly was a sweetheart, but Alex didn't know if she could keep anything down.

"I really need to study, Moony. Minnie will have my head if I don't get all O's in my NEWTs, she probably has a bet with Flitwick that I can beat his Ravenclaws," she smiled sadly. They had always referred to Professor McGonagall as Minnie and she'd skin them if she found out.

"We could study together, just like we used to and have tea. Besides, you have the next three days off," he offered. He was too kind, too caring for his own good. Alex was vaguely irritated by his kindness and good-hearted nature. _Can I not answer and just Apparate my ass out of here?_

"How about you give me a couple hours in the library, then I'll meet you at four in your office?" she bit her lip. She hated herself for it, hell, he would probably hate her if he knew what she was up to.

"Fine," he sighed slightly crestfallen. She patted his shoulder and smiled.

"I won't be late, I promise."

"If you are, I'll give you detention."

"You wouldn't dare!" she mused.

"Do you want to find out?" he raised an eyebrow. Alex barked a laugh and made her way to the Library. She entered, hid behind a row of books, disillusioned herself and walked back out. _This is exactly why you're supposed to cast the charm when you're still in your dorm, idiot_ , she growled at herself.

After reaching her destination, she reversed the charm and stared at the wall in front of her. Her head was ever so slightly spinning but she visualized the room and grabbed the handle as soon as it started to appear. She let herself in and was greeted by a veil behind which stood a waterfall.

She took off her sweater, shoes, cloak and rucksack and let herself fall through the veil. The waterfall stilled as she passed through it. As soon as she came out on the other side, thick fog seeped through, blinding her almost immediately. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. A second late curses and hexes came barrelling down at her. She skilfully blocked them and retorted with a few hexes she'd invented.

Half an hour later the mirage disappeared. She laid on the ground panting. Her arm had started bleeding again. _What is it with you today?_ She usually paid it no mind. The violet scars almost looked like muggle tattoos and she appreciated the rugged look, but in the last week it had been particularly sensitive, almost painful to the touch. Grabbing her rucksack, she downed a few sips of firewhisky and dressed once more. 

She was about to reach for the door when she heard a sharp ringing sound. Turning around her vision was engulfed by darkness. The air got stuck in her lungs and she collapsed falling through the door. The last thing she saw was the room vanishing quickly and turning into a storage closet.


	10. Hopefully Healing

She was floating. At least it felt like it. It almost felt like waves were lulling her into deeper blissful nothingness. Alex wondered if she'd hear seagulls cawing if she buried herself further into the sea-cloud. Something warm and heavy was draped over her and pinning her to the cloud like substance underneath her. The darkness and the relative silence quelled her anxiety induced headache. She was wrapped in suaveness, her mind felt fuzzy, like it had gone numb for quite some time.

"What the hell happened?" Remus spat tripping over something. Whatever it was, it made a loud sound when it hit the floor. He sounded absolutely furious; his voice tinged with worry. Alex cringed away from the ruckus. Leave it to Remus Lupin to trip over anything in a ten foot radius. _You're not any better_ _so don't get too ahead of yourself_ , she told herself. 

"Shut up!" chided a Madam Pomfrey.She could hear Remus' mind whining at being scolded from the woman.

 _Someone take him out, shut him up, please_ , Alex whined to herself. Someone chuckled curtly from the other side of what she assumed was a bed. She cracked open an eyelid and saw a worried Lupin sitting in a chair beside the bed she was in. He looked like he'd just finished feeding his moody Grindylow.

"Oh she'll be fine," answered the quiet but pointed female voice, "Billywig venom is particularly insidious, but she'll be fine. Now then, go, she needs to rest."

"No, don't," Alex croaked. Although the phrase was short, a good part of it was rasping.

"Lex?" Remus crooned.

A scoff sounded from the same spot where she'd heard chuckling a few moments earlier. Alex rolled her eyes and turned towards it. She knew it was Snape. Of all the people in the castle, it obviously had to be him. Who else would have chuckled at her thoughts? He was standing further away but the way his gaze was fixed on her made her flinch anyway.

"Stay, Remus," she cleared her throat as she tried to prop her self onto her elbows. Her joints screamed stiffly, but she somehow managed her task.

"Of c—"

"No, she needs rest!" Madam Pomfrey swatted at him.

"Please, Poppy," Alex said making puppy dog eyes and batting her eyelashes.

"Fine! If you get worse again you'll have my wrath to answer to," growled the witch as she angrily stalked into her office. The stern and no-nonsense Healer had a somewhat soft spot for Alex who had been confined to her bed too many times during her five years at Hogwarts. That being said, Alex feared for her life when she was threatened by her.

"What time is it?" Alex asked trying to prop herself up in bed.

"It's two in the morning," answered Lupin.

"Shit... I swear, I didn't mean to be late. I know I haven't been—" she confessed staring at her hands. She scar from her first detention gleamed lazily in the light of the bedside table.

"Are you seriously fussing about being late for tea?" Lupin growled back. His face went from comforting to stony in the blink of an eye.

"Well, yeah," Alex said.

"You basically died, and you're worried about—"

"Oh, come on, don't be dramatic!" Alex snapped at him. She hadn't been awake all of five minutes and he was already yelling at her.

"You were bleeding, there was so much blood when Snape found you—you were freezing, your heart—" Remus was breathing erratically, his hands intertwined with hers. She was slightly startled by his sudden burst of emotion and sat upright to comfort him. He usually was quite collected and polite, careful not to put himself in the spotlight, but in that moment Remus Lupin went out of his way to show her how worried he'd been.

"How much Wideye potion did you take?" Snape quipped abruptly. He was still standing in the corner, leaning against the wall. She hadn't thought of how the Potions' Master would have been able to notice the side effects of it.

"A vial, I didn't sleep well last night," she answered flatly not looking at him.

"What is he talking about?" asked Lupin bewildered at the sudden intrusion. They'd been speaking comfortably, not noticing the black-clad man in the corner.

"No matter, it's fine, Remus," Alex said smiling the sandy-haired man.

"Should _I_ tell him then, Miss Cromwell?"

"Tell me what?" Remus insisted, his eyes flickering between the Slytherin and the redhead. Lupin didn't know who to believe, whether to ignore the man who had it out for him or discount his friend's words.

"I have no idea what he's going about," she lied smoothly. The professor looked at Snape, then at Alex and shook his head in disbelief.

"When you've got your story straight, you know where to find me," he growled.

"Oh, come on Moony! I bloody fainted, you're acting like I died," Alex hissed at him.

"Then quit lying to me! I might not be skilled in everything like you, but I'm not a bloody idiot! The Alex I knew wouldn't lie to her friends," Remus yelled pushing away the chair which hit the floor with a loud thud.

"The Alex you knew—maybe then you didn't really know her! Stop assuming that I'm the same person I was twelve years ago!" she yelled back dizzily getting out of bed and poking a finger at his chest.

"Whatever," Remus huffed and marched out of the Infirmary.

"Remus, I'm so—" Alex called after him, but he'd gone.

"Looks like your mongrel didn't take that last comment too well," Snape muttered. His nerve! Alex whipped to scowl at him.

"Are you happy now, Severus? Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?" she turned to face the Potions professor.

"Miss Cromwell sit down before Madam Pomfrey kills you," he grimaced sourly at the harshness in her tone. Alex had expected him to retaliate, but he pursed his lips promptly. They were standing a few feet apart, both glaring furiously at each other, in a silent staring contest as if to see who'd cave first. The red head, whose hair gleamed violet in the moonlight, reached for her wand, picked up her backpack and strolled out quickly. Her head was spinning wildly and whatever injuries she'd sustained were screaming at her to go back to bed. That wasn't an option: Alex needed to find Remus.

"Cromwell—" he called close behind her.

"Snape, you've done enough," she growled. He grabbed her arm and pushed her against a pillar, her back hitting rough stone, surely adding to her collection of bruises. His hand felt warmer than she expected, but the grip was way too tight on her arm.

"Then don't expect me to save your skin from Billywig poisoning next time," he spat gripping her by the collar of her thoroughly stained shirt, "Yes, I found you. Good thing I keep a few bezoars on me or you wouldn't have made it to the Hospital Wing."

"I never asked you to save me, Severus," she blinked furiously and ripped herself from his grasp. She sped down the hallway and toward Remus' quarters. The paintings weren't exactly happy of the noise she and Snape had made by arguing and they made sure to tell her that. Rolling her eyes, Alex rapped a hand of his door. She knew he was awake and probably pacing around the room. Lupin answered the door quickly, apparently expecting someone else. When he saw her, he went to shut it, but she'd already propped her foot next to the door hinge. She briskly stepped into his quarters and shut the door behind her.

"Go away Alex, you shouldn't even be here," he sighed.

"Please Remus, I'm sorry," she said looking him in the eye.

"You know that Poppy will tie you to the bed if she finds out right?"

"I know."

"Then why are you here?" he asked coldly.

"Can we talk?" she asked, well, pleaded more like.

"Why don't you go to your ickle Sevvikins since you two know everything?" he muttered through his teeth. It wasn't like Remus to be that harsh. Alex felt like she'd been slapped in the face and couldn't understand why he'd say such a thing... unless.

"Are you seriously jealous of Slytherboy?" she asked after a moment of silence. He fleetingly glanced at her and sighed but didn't answer. 

_Yes_ , Alex thought as she heard the weak echo of his rambling thoughts.

"I haven't been sleeping, Remus. Nightmares, hallucinations, you name it. They always start the same way and every night they get worse. I thought I'd do myself a favour by avoiding sleeping altogether. I guess Billywig stings are more toxic than I thought, that's why my arm was bleeding," Alex continued leaning against the wall next to the fireplace.

"Why didn't you say anything? You look like you've just made your way out of a doxy nest, Lex. Didn't you think I'd care?" he asked, hurt seeping through his voice. Lupin had stopped pacing and glanced at her form. She looked frail, her hair was dull and knotted, blood had dried in it. Her eyes were bloodshot and her hands kept shaking from the cold caused by the blood loos but also, unbeknownst to Lupin, from the abstinence from the Wideye potion.

"I didn't want to burden you with my bad dreams."

"You're not a burden. Just because you're not saving someone's neck every day doesn't mean you're useless. You've done more than anyone thought possible, you've earned a break," he said halting in front of her and looking at her meaningfully.

"But people died, Remus, or worse," Alex mumbled staring back at him. She could barely see him through her wet eyes.

"And people lived! You won't be able to save everyone, it's impossible, but you can save some and that definitely makes a difference" Remus said cupping her now tear strewn face. She hugged him tightly and sighed into his chest as the weight of the past few months started to lift from her shoulders. 

"I'm sorry," Alex mumbled against his shirt. Her five foot five stood no match to his grand elevation of six foot four.

"It's alright, I'm sorry, too. It's been so long for me, I hadn't even thought how hard it would be for you. I was dreadful a good year before I got my act together," Remus replied rubbing her back. 

They talked a little longer, chuckling at Remus' boggart lesson with the third years and going over a few parts of his lesson plans. Alex told him about Nusquam and how she used to watch the stillness around her, she told him stories and laughed at shared memories.

It had been months since she'd truly laughed. Maybe things were starting to look up.


	11. Tamed to tranquility

Soon enough, the first term was almost out. Unfortunately, that meant exams. Students could be found cramming everything and anything in their Common Rooms as well as the Library. Many had breakdowns and Madam Pomfrey had issued each Head of House a batch of Calming Draughts.

As if the situation wasn't charged enough, Madam Pince's mood quickly went from proud to aggravated when she had to reorganise books that had been left out or misplaced every evening. She made the situation clear after chasing a group of terrified Ravenclaws out of the Library after she had found a wrapper used as a bookmark.

As the holidays approached, the weather took a turn for the worse and instead of gifting the grounds with heaps of snow, decided they'd all be whipped by harsh winds and ice. Alex suspected the Dementors had something to do with it since they had sensed a peak in spirits due to Hogsmeade's decorations. Not many students had chosen to stay behind for Christmas, but those who were, definitely weren't happy about not being able to gather in charmed snowball fights against each other as well as Flitwick and madam Hooch.

Alex had often been invited to spend time in the Staff Room with the other professors, typically chatting with Professor McGonagall or Lupin and on rare occasion with Professor Sinistra. Snape, on the other hand, had been ignoring her. He'd often make snide remarks about her in the Staff lounge or when Alex was in Potions class and he'd go all-in when he'd deliver Lupin's potion. When not trying to belittle everything related to her person, the black clad professor seemed to ignore her presence. However, Alex noticed his gaze would often linger on her during lunch or dinner, usually succeeding in making her check if she had something on her face. In those instances, she'd occasionally feel him poking at her mind. Always, trailing a rough finger on her barriers which never failed to make her shiver.

 _If he had something to say, he'd talk to me and not weasel his way out of it_ , she reminded herself. As tempting as it was to let him in so he could "say what he wanted to say", he hadn't spoken to her directly since she'd called him out on his insolent behaviour the night she left the Hospital Wing. He completely avoided any conversation she was in; he didn't pick on her in class, which was delightfully accepted by the redhead, but he'd avoid everything related to her even when she met with Dumbledore for weekly meetings concerning her health. He would stand in a corner and wait for the Headmaster to speak to him, then swiftly leave before anyone could stop him once more.

As curious as the situation with Snape compelled her to be, Alex had taken up a gentler approach to her stay at Hogwarts, as she knew that she wouldn't heal properly if she pushed her luck. Also, she had been threatened with cleaning bedpans and banned from doing anything except sitting, studying, and walking up staircases by Madam Pomfrey until Christmas break. After catching her out of bed the night she had snuck off to rekindle her friendship with Lupin, the Healer had been watching her like a hawk. Since she couldn't really do anything, Alex decided to spend her time with the Weasleys who almost immediately invited her to spend Christmas holidays lounging about the Common Room with them. To pique her interest, Fred and George had brought up a game of Quidditch in which the winner would get to choose from the stash of confiscated object in Filch's office. Alex had accepted and gladly helped them with their next prank. After that they hailed her, bowing in her direction whenever they crossed paths. The twins had promptly been at their antics for a week, and finally they'd decided to turn Snape's classroom into a jolly winter wonderland full of bows, candy canes, snow and oddly dressed house elves who'd bring him only hot chocolate and sprinkle gold glitter on his head. Alex was secretly fascinated by their skill, but kept her mouth shut lest it go to their heads. If she didn't know better, she'd say that they could give the Marauders a run for their money.

The weather calmed her and made her studies somewhat cosier. She usually wrapped herself in an old afghan and read snuggled against a windowsill in a small tower off the fourth floor. She had piled her books in it after she'd found the alcove during one of the many afternoon walks she took with Remus. She mainly read and worked on theory, trying to subdue the itch of getting her hands dirty in a good old-fashioned duelling session. To mitigate the ban, she had started attempting to complete the process to become an Animagus. She had two cauldrons stacked up on a shelf in the secluded space, and a few vials with the potion at the ready. Obviously, no professor had been involved initially, but after swallowing two Mandrake leaves, Alex had confided in Professor McGonagall who had whacked her silly with a copy of the Quibbler and scowled at her for a week. After that, everything had started going smoothly. McGonagall had pushed her to owl the Ministry, but Alex had negotiated to put it off until she actually could transform.

After their argument, both Remus and Alex started speaking more eagerly, slowly delving into personal topics as well as resuming their habitual study sessions. In the beginning they met in his classroom then, as the temperatures gradually dropped, they moved into his office where they could sit in front of the fire and nurse steaming mugs of tea or hot chocolate. Alex had often wondered about Remus, how life was out there for a werewolf, how he got by since it was increasingly difficult for lycanthropes to find employment, if and how he approached the topic with people he met.

After, a month of intense studying for Alex and preparing exams for Lupin, they took a few days off to relax. Unfortunately, they ended up going over every fantastic beast that was autochthonous to the area, as well as worked on ways to mark essays without poring over them for hours, but with no actual result.

"Hello, Earth to Alex!" Hermione screeched.

"Huh--what?" Alex whipped her head in her direction, failing to stand upright and, instead, tripping over her feet. The tome on her lap fell to floor, hitting her toes which, unfortunately, were only protected by a pair of holey socks. Her boots lay strewn lazily under her armchair. 

"You've been staring out the window for twenty minutes, and it's almost time for your teatime stroll with Lupin," she answered. Hermione and Ginny had taken up the habit of playfully teasing her for being "Professor Lupin's favorite student" and while Alex grimaced at the thought of them finding out the truth, she knew she'd have to talk to Lupin about being a bit subtler in spending time together. Not that she didn't like spending time with him; he was a great friend, but other student didn't know that they were practically peers. No one knew that the Alex Cromwell that had apparently transferred from Ilvermorny, was the same person as Emma Alexandria Lennox Cromwell, Gryffindor chaser from 1977 to 1980 or the same girl who had given Professor Flitwick a run for his money during a Duelling Club tournament in 1979.

"If you call it that again I'll make sure to burn my Ancient Runes notes," Alex threatened playfully.

"You wouldn't!" she gasped mockingly then stretched in her armchair. Alex's own frustration was reaching uncharted levels definitely above boiling point. Every time she wanted to do anything she had to go through Madam Pomfrey's list of things not to do. She could basically eat, sleep, study, have a shower, study some more and carefully stroll around the grounds with Lupin if the weather was nice.

"I hate being cooped up in here! I haven't been allowed in the Duelling Club, Madam Pomfrey even banned me from going to Hagrid's because he has 'dangerous beasts', I haven't been on a broom in ages, last week I even had to dust off my wand— _dust it_ " Alex groaned with her hands in her hair. Hermione was fighting back a chuckle. 

"Cheer up, it's almost Christmas! Oh and could you please not mention broomsticks around Harry, he's still kind of beaten up about the match against Hufflepuff."

"At this point I wish _I_ had fallen into the Whomping Willow," Alex muttered under her breath as she waved and exited the Common Room.She walked down to the Great Hall, where Flitwick was decorating the Ravenclaw tree. Alex was tempted to change the colour of the garlands but thought again as she didn't want to start a school-wide feud on jinxed Christmas trees. If Alex didn't bury her nose in books, she'd probably be carrying the Marauders' coat of arms and pulling pranks left and right with the Weasley twins.

Hogwarts would be screwed once she ran out of books. 

Definitely.


	12. Frosted Thoughts

Luckily, the stairs managed not to shift and Alex quickly made her way to the first floor then down into the Main corridor. She silently prayed that Madam Pomfrey wasn't lurking about, waiting for her to put her coat (which the McGonagall had made her buy) on to drag her into the Hospital Wing to weigh, poke and prod at Alex's nearly healed figure. 

The Gryffindor popped into the Hall to grab a solitary issue of the Daily Prophet and leafed through it, revelling in how much things were blown out of proportion just to attract readers.

"I thought you didn't meddle with posh gossip," said Lupin strolling in after her.

"I never said I didn't find it entertaining to see what they go on about," Alex replied smirking.

"I wouldn't be surprised to find a column devoted to going on about Sirius," he mumbled.

"Me neither, honestly. I still don't know what to think about this whole ordeal and that Skeeter woman isn't helping," she said dragging a hand through her long red waves.

"Do you remember him from... you know... before?"

"I ran into him a couple times by the lake with you, James and Peter, and I know all the girls in school talked about him and his luscious locks. One of my friend's sisters had a _huge_ crush on him."

"Sirius was all over the place. He and James were the masterminds, for the pranks, for the map... and I still have no idea what happened that night...I know it sounds strange, but I can't believe it, can I? He was our best friend, he was..." Remus trailed off as the wandered to the edge of the courtyard.

"I know Moony, it's confusing. We all lost someone, and worst thing is that we know that could have just as easily been either of us," Alex patted his shoulder and incinerated the copy of the Prophet.

"On a less depressing note, what do you want to do today?" he asked.

"Do you want to go see what Peeves is up to?" Alex tried nudging him in the ribs.

"Why would I go looking for him?"

"That's not what you used to say," she grumbled and headed outside getting immediately doused with minuscule shards of ice. An idea had popped into her head. It was probably madness, but she wanted to see if her speculations were correct.

"Alex! Come here—Merlin—you'll freeze to death," Remus ran after her almost losing his balance on the frozen steps. The cold whipped their faces and soon enough they both couldn't feel their fingers and noses. Alex promptly stopped when she got to the Training Grounds and turned to see a dishevelled Lupin glaring at her.

"Do you have a death wish?" he fussed rubbing his hands on his arms in a vain attempt to keep warm. Alex rolled her eyes and took out her wand pointing it at the sky. She had a theory, _Meteolojinx recanto_ probably wouldn't work and if she cast a Patronus the dementors would scurry off and Dumbledore would have the Ministry knocking down his door in less than an hour.

" _Nivosus pacifico_!" Alex yelled over the billowing gale. A spiralling jet of blue light shot out of her wand and reached the clouds with a surprising thud. The sky flashed for a second, then the wind quieted and the shards of ice that were flying about gradually started clearing, quickly turning into fat snowflakes. Alex grinned and heaved a sigh.

"It was the Dementors wasn't it?" Lupin asked smiling at the sky.

"They don't only mess with people when they attack, but they literally feed off happiness. They put you off in general, and with the high hopes for a white Christmas, they dissipated happiness by making us miserable inside," Alex nodded quickly and started down toward the now peaceful Black Lake. Lupin followed a few steps behind and, unbeknownst to the redhead, kept grinning like an idiot. The girl before him was a marvel even if she looked after her abilities in a cynical way, that reminded him only too well of how she had been trained for combat, how she had taken to the fight against Voldemort when she was a little older than Harry Potter himself. 

This year, after many years, Remus wouldn't be alone for Christmas. After his parents had passed, he had been left alone. What did he expect? Two of his best friends were dead and one was locked up. This year was different. He could already feel a streak of normality ebbing back into his life that, up till that point, had been drowned in solitude, wariness and too many days spent wondering when he'd be able to scrape up a galleons again. He would finally get to have a feast and he wouldn't be confined to staring at an empty house.

"Has anyone found out about you yet?" Remus asked abruptly.

"Hopefully not, how about you?"

"Snape ever so subtly assigned third years two rolls of parchment on werewolves when I was out last month," he shrugged and leaned against the solitary tree. Alex relaxed against a branch next to him, contemplating the snowy landscape, but her brows were furrowed deep in thought.

"I'll have a word with him," Alex grunted after a few moments as she knotted and smoothed out a strand of hair.

"No need, I've already spoken to him," he patted her shoulder with a gloved hand.

"Severus and I already have a chat overdue," she replied curtly.

"Severus?" he raised an eyebrow. Hearing her say Snape's first name piqued bot his curiosity and his jealousy. Funnily enough, Lupin was quite protective of his friends, and Alex, at the moment, was his only friend. She was his confidante, his someone to bounce ideas off of. She understood him under many different points of view. Since she had popped back into his life, Remus was happy yet conflicted about how many memories got in the way, and how those memories still had droplets of emotion attached to them.

"I met him you know... before. He was definitely less of an ass when I was working with the Order and the Ministry. I reckon he was frightened I'd have enough leverage. Now he just ignores me," she replied staring at her hands.

"I can't say that's a bad thing coming from Snape," Remus muttered. The thought of her and Snape being on first name terms at some point in time made his stomach clench. Snape wasn't a good man. He might have been decent before joining the Death Eaters at the end of their Sixth year, but Remus hadn't really paid attention. He had been too caught up with his NEWTs, James and Sirius' pranks and reading anything and everything.

"I know you've never seen eye to eye, but he's not as bad as he makes himself out to be," Alex said, internally scolding herself for saying something so "positive" about a person who either begged her to do his bidding or scolded her for existing. Remus almost chocked on his saliva.

"Are you sure you're not coming down with something? You sound like Dumbledore," Remus grinned going to place a palm on her forehead. He couldn't fathom how a person who had lost so many people to Voldemort's followers could also be so forgiving. She easily swatted his hand away. Remus had never noticed her hands. They were slightly larger than what would be expected on a person her size, but her fingers were gracefully tapered, and looked quite nimble, her nails short, almost like she had recently stopped biting them.

"Not you too! I've already got Madam Pomfrey checking up on me twice a week and Minnie on my back for trying to—" she bit her tongue.

"Trying to?" he looked down at her sternly.

"Turn the steps to the dungeons to a one-way slide," she lied.

"Alexandria Cromwell!"

"What? I'm bored!"

"Fine, I'll go ask McGonagall after dinner," he mumbled.

"Come on, don't be a clunk Moony—I tried to become an Animagus. I went to her after I'd swallowed two mandrake leaves," she said defeated.

"Of course you would! You of all people should know how dangerous it is," Remus said looking at her with an exasperated look.

"Why do you always look at me like that?" she asked.

"Like what?"

"Like I'm a moment away from getting torn to shreds."

"I care, Alex, that's why. You're a member of the Order, we studied together countless times. You're my friend. I thought—" he muttered sighing. Alex leaned against his chest and looped her arms around him.

"I'm here now, Moony," she cut him off looking him in the eye.

"I know," he grumbled and hugged her.

He wanted to say so much more. He wanted her to feel safe enough to admit to still have nightmares and that being in the castle triggered her greatly. McGonagall had been called to her dorm a few times because Alex would wake up in a wave of panic. The Sleeping Draughts she had been taking weren't doing anything, even when she took a Draught of Dreamless Sleep along with it. Minerva had expressed she was quite worried about how the girl would end up when she cracked again, as she had done at Halloween. 

The girls in her dorms had been told a completely made up story, but Minerva had told him. She had made him promise not to tell anyone. The redhead was still mentally scarred beyond belief, but she covered it up well. So well, in fact, that her 'peers' hadn't noticed anything. 

Even if Alex had somewhat opened up, he knew she was holding back. Lupin was waiting for the right moment in which might be able to tell her how much she meant to him, how much he appreciated every moment he had ever spent with her. Alex had caught his eye ever since she'd joined the Order in January of 1980, almost fourteen years prior. Her short chocolate brown hair and bright hazel eyes had entranced him, along with the way she quirked her eyebrow and fidgeted with the hem of her cloak. She'd initially been quiet, but as soon as Dumbledore acknowledged her and asked for her input, she lit up and thoroughly explained what she was working on at the Ministry. After the meeting, James and Lily had congratulated her, and Remus had merely stared at her from afar. He knew she was too young and completely out of his league, but a boy could dream. Sirius, obviously picking up on what was thinking, had started cackling loudly and making wolf howls to grab her attention, so he had spent the rest of the evening trying to shut him up or hiding on the steps outside their Headquarters.

Eventually, during Lily's birthday party a few weeks later, he had mustered up the courage to go talk to her. They had quickly escaped the jowls of small-talk and chatted about Werewolf rights and Muggle musicians. Remus was surprised to learn that she was one of the few people, other than Dumbledore, that actually called their adversary by his name. They spoke for hours, going as far as stepping outside to have a cigarette together since they'd been sitting next to a snoring Sirius as the other members of the Order spoke among themselves in an attempt to avoid Moody's buzzed wrath.

So much had changed since then, but she was still the same witty, sharp-tongued, and unknowingly charming witch he'd met that evening. She had been to young then, and she probably thought he was too old for her now. _You don't even know if she likes you,_ he chastised himself. Even if she were to reciprocate feelings for him, he was her professor, even though he was certain she'd could take him out blindfolded. Formally speaking, he was her instructor. The rest of the staff knew she wasn't seventeen, but the student body didn't.

"I told Harry I'd teach him to cast a Patronus charm," Remus blurted out as he caught himself staring at her. She had let go of him and had gone over to the edge of the lake, where the lights of the castle glistened off the softly falling snow. Her now long red hair was slightly damp and adorned with large snowflakes. Remus remembered how she often complained that it was too long, and she needed to cut it but somehow, always forgot to do it.

"What are you using to practice on?" she asked turning around to smile at him.

"A boggart," he answered going to stand next to her.

"I'm sure he's as stubborn as James, he'll get the hang of it," she said.

"You think?"

"He's also Lily's son. You do remember what she did to James during your fifth year, right?" she chuckled.

"Was that the time she tied his shoelaces together, so he'd stop following her, or when she turned all his shirts pink?" he laughed.

"No, it was when she made an inkpot chase him because he was bothering her," she grinned.

"How could I forget, I must be getting old," he sighed.

"You aren't old Moony," she said kneeling and slightly turning away from him. She was trying to make it look like she was fixing her boots instead of hurrying to make a snowball. She hid the freezing weapon in her gloved hand and looked up at him.

The melting snow had wet his sandy hair, his cheeks had turned a deep pink and his eyes glistened warmly in the soft light emanating from the Great Hall where students were probably starting to gather for dinner. He looked the same as always yet so different.

"Are you sure you're not ill?" he asked.

"I _literally_ fainted once, Remus," Alex said sprinting back towards the castle and succeeding in leaving Remus dumbfounded. He quickly caught on and ran after her. Once back in the courtyard, Alex hid behind a pillar waiting for him. A few seconds later she heard his footsteps crunch quickly on the thick blanket of snow which now enveloped the grounds.

He was standing a few yards away from her, but luckily darkness concealed her snickering figure. After catching his breath he started looking around the courtyard knowing she couldn't have gone far. Alex laughed to herself, pressing a hand to her mouth. She then quietly charmed the snowball she was holding to hit him. The look of amusement mixed with shock was priceless when the cold ball came barrelling at his face hitting him on the top of the head.

"That's not fair, you charmed it!" he growled whipping his head around blindly.

"Yes it is," she argued emerging from behind the trusty pillar. He narrowed his eyes at her as they walked toward the Great Hall. Lupin sheepishly smiled and shook his slushy hair at her, flicking snow everywhere.

"Now, we're even," he muttered smugly looping an arm over her shoulders. Only then he noticed she had pieces of half melted ice on her cheeks and without thinking he wiped them away with his free hand. _Is he blushing or is it the cold?_ Alex smiled confusedly.

Remus had gone a remarkable shade of pink, even though he didn't think it possible given the effects the cold already had on him. Mentally kicking himself for that impulsive gesture. Merlin, how he wanted to kiss her. After almost fourteen years he reckoned he'd be able to muster up the courage to take a step forward and press his lips to hers. Nothing fancy. Just a chaste but passionate kiss. Yet, Remus found himself frozen: unable to act but also unable to look away from her.

"Are you alright?" Alex asked waving a hand in front of his face.

"Peachy—sorry for the snow," he said. His voice actually came out as a strangled incoherent mumble.

"Remus, it's fine. It was just snow, no need—"

Remus crashed his lips onto hers. His warm lips pressed against hers gently but still passionately enough to convey that he'd been thinking about it for a while. Alex had been a bit suspicious, but never exactly thought anything of it. They were friends. Remus probably had met someone at some point but had preferred to keep quiet because he didn't know how people would react to a werewolf being involved with someone.

Contrary to her belief, Remus Lupin was kissing her in a nearly dark part of the Hogwarts courtyard, under an archway which halfway concealed them from the falling snow. She would have gasped but found herself preoccupied by everything around them. They were twenty feet from the doors to the ground floor corridor, forty yards from the Great Hall, and Remus Lupin, werewolf and Dark Arts _professor_ , was kissing her. Of course, they both knew that Alex wasn't exactly seventeen, but the rest of the whole bloody school didn't. He was her friend, he'd get in trouble if not worse, he could get sacked or sent to trial.

As Alex felt panic rise in her throat, she stepped back terminating the kiss. Not that she hadn't liked it, but it felt off. It was missing something she couldn't set her finger on. It was probably the panic that had nestled its way to sit between her shoulder blades, strangely straying from her stomach. It wasn't much of an improvement as the sensation actually crushed her lungs and made her heartbeat skyrocket. _Breathe, Cromwell!_ she encouraged herself. It just wouldn't do to faint in front of him. Knowing Remus, he'd probably flog himself. 

"I shouldn't have, I'm sorry. I'm a bloody idiot—Merlin—" Remus started, his eyes patrolling their surroundings and her face, but mainly the latter. She didn't quite look shocked, more like profoundly unsettled, her eyes were slightly unfocused as she stared back at him.

"It's fine, don't worry. If you'll excuse me, I need to go," she quipped in a rushed breath. Alex stepped back a few steps then basically sprinted away, up the few steps to get into the castle, ran across the main corridor and took a left to the Grand Staircase promptly disappearing from view.

"Shit," he muttered to himself.

"Yes, _shit_ indeed, Lupin," said Snape making his way up the large stone steps that led to the grounds.

"I don't have time for your jeering Snape," Lupin hissed trying to follow Alex. 

"I wouldn't be short with me, if I were you," the black-eyed man replied coolly, silently advancing, "she could have you sacked. Were it up to me, I'd make sure she got around to reporting your foolishness. Apparently, Dumbledore was wrong, old habits _do_ die hard."

"You know as well as I do that she's an adult!"

"An adult who has spent the last twelve years of her life in a cocoon on a blazing ball of gases trying to mend the injuries she suffered before disappearing. Do you not realize that she's been trying to recover from something that broke her beyond anything your minuscule brain could ever fathom? Of course not. You didn't realise she was trying to kill herself when it was staring at you in the face!" Snape growled at him. It took almost all of him willpower to not get in Lupin's face and scream at him.

"What are you going on about? Alex didn't try to kill herself—"

"Right, and I'm a Pygmy Puff—Merlin, _do you even think_? Why do you think she wound up in the Hospital Wing that night? Why do you reckon she's been having weekly check-ups with Poppy and Albus?"

"She was having nightmares, still is! She took a bit to many Wideye potions. It hardly counts as attempting to kill oneself," Remus seethed.

"You should tell her that—"

"That's not what I meant Snape, and you know it," Lupin chided.

Snape was livid. To anyone passing by, it would have looked like Lupin was just a few moment from an untimely death, then, much to his own surprise, the Slytherin quickly stepped back from the Dark Arts professor and marched into the castle.


	13. Curoiusly Grounded

**_There are mentions of sexual violence in this chapter, nothing graphic, but I wanted to add in this TW_ **

Alex bolted. She didn't know why but her legs reacted on their own. Her fight or flight response didn't usually kick into 'flight' mode during emotionally charged situations. However, it wasn't the case this time. As most of the staff was in the Great Hall marvelling at their House's tree, she had the go ahead to escape. Alex felt her surroundings spin around her as she climbed to the Astronomy tower. Students were slowly exiting their study corners, yawning and stretching stiff muscles to clamber down to dinner. Alex did the opposite, she knew she would get a thorough scolding from everyone's favourite Medi-Witch, but then and there, she couldn't have cared less. She needed to breathe. Nausea was already gripping at her throat, trying to force acid out of her now churning stomach. She thanked her subconscious for not even acknowledging the option of going to the Great Hall. Alex needed the cold to seep into her bones and ground her because everything was spinning terribly. The tower greeted her as she stumbled onto the cold wooden floor and sat against the ledge with her legs hanging off it.

Remus Lupin, werewolf, Defence Against the Dark Arts professor, Marauder and Member of the Order of the Phoenix since 1977 had kissed her. Her friend, her comrade, who had fought on her side during the war and somehow survived, had kissed her and, once again, she was terrified. Just as much as she had been many times before, in completely different situations. Now, she was terrified of losing the little control she had gained back. Afraid of being left alone to cope with everything that kept dragging her down, of never being adequate enough to make things better and quite petrified by the idea of getting attached to someone who could easily enough be snatched away in a split second. She hated herself because if she hadn't failed all those years before, she definitely wouldn't be in this situation now. She wouldn't be trying to decide whether to go back downstairs and pretend nothing had happened or talk to him and she definitely wouldn't be stuck as a fake seventh year at Hogwarts. At any other moment, Alex would have deemed the situation hilarious, but since she was the protagonist of such events, the comicality of the whole spiel bypassed her and she was left, anxiety-ridden, looking out at the reality of things that kept becoming more and more complicated.

It wasn't that she hadn't liked the kiss. Not at all. Now that she thought about it his lips were really soft and somehow warm even if they had just spent a good hour out in the snow. He was familiar, she knew him, yet something rattled her. She trusted Remus, but she didn't think of him in a romantic sort of way. She didn't think of anyone that way, not that she wouldn't have wanted to, but she had too many things going through her head to be able to stop and focus on finding someone to fancy. Remus wasn't the problem. There wasn't any problem per se, but she wasn't ready. Everything was going at lightning speed and she was still trying to recover from her past and what she'd missed. She couldn't cope with heady feelings, even if she knew she'd enjoy them in the short term. In the long term, she'd shy away from them to escape the crushing pretence they doused every situation in.

She trusted Remus with her life, yet she felt like she had momentarily been held in mid-air off a cliff, like the rug had been pulled out from under her feet and not in a fairy-tale charming way. The kiss had been different than what she remembered, surprising. Not necessarily unbecoming, but definitely unexpected. She had heard Minnie and Professor Sprout giggle among themselves during tea about how much time Remus was spending with her, how he looked at her like she was made of Goblin's gold, but Alex had let it enter from one ear and exit from the other.

Alex didn't need any of that right now, she needed someone she could rely on to not pull stunts on her. She needed a blank canvas in order to keep her mind and be able to visualise her next steps. She needed someone to lean on when she couldn't bear to look at herself, when she couldn't breathe because with her every thought the air seemed to become denser. Something about her kiss with Remus had overwhelmed her, scared her even. She wasn't scared _of_ him, far from it actually. She was scared of the emotions, which he so unabashedly pushed to the forefront of his mind. Emotions were amazing... amazingly deadly.

Tears crept behind her eyes and she cursed herself for being so silly. Just a silly girl. Alex shook her head. She was about to turn twenty-eight and she was crying, terrified because one of her friends had kissed her. Alexandria Cromwell, who had duelled Death Eaters, jumped off roofs, invented spells and never shied away from giving someone a piece of her mind, was crying because of a kiss. Remus had kissed her, yet she felt betrayed by the way he had acted on his feelings before speaking to her. Remus had startled her, and her mind suddenly flashed back the infamous Halloween night.

The torture hadn't been the worst part of it. Of course, she hadn't said anything. How could she? When she came back from Nusquam, those who had violated her were in Azkaban. She was safe and got her justice. Her anger, on the other hand, hadn't let up. She could hear their words, their taunts, their jeering laughter over and over in her head. Nott and Rosier had been particularly inventive with the comments they made, most of which didn't make much sense, but others cut her heart out especially when they involved her parents. Alex would have applauded their joint eloquence if she hadn't been subjected to their wanton wills.

By now she was in vain trying to blink back furiously hot tears, which ran down her face, some fast others lazy. The cold was doing next to nothing to ground her and she was growing increasingly frustrated and panicked. They had raped her, tortured her, blinded her so badly it took her a good year on Nusquam to heal completely. She had been used, then thrown out. Discarded and left to bleed out in a cellar. For some strange reason she felt trapped again. She felt like a puppet, adrift in some sort of ether waiting for her owner to come back and pick up her strings. Alex drew a breath as the claustrophobia seeped into her quickly, like freezing waters. The shock knocked her out of breath, and she reflexively dug her nails into the floorboards, surely chipping them. _Cut the damn strings_ , _Alex_ , she hissed to herself.

"Cromwell?" Snape spoke from the darkest corner of the tower. He had a hand on the wrought iron railing that ran along the descending stairwell.

Alex didn't need him there; she didn't want to be punished for not being at dinner nor for anything else he could come up with. She didn't need the Head of Slytherin house on her case, not at that very moment.

When Alex didn't answer and merely pressed her forehead against the pillar next to her, Snape took a few steps forward. She was shaking like a leaf and he wondered if it was the cold or if something else was going on. Her hands were gripping the wooden ledge as if it was the only thing anchoring her to the ground. Her breaths were shallow and ragged, and her cheeks glistened wet in the low light diffusing from the castle below.

"What do you want Professor Snape?" she asked shakily as she tried to inconspicuously wipe the tear tracks from her face. She had to force her hands to cooperate as they seemed to be glued to the floorboards.

"You're not going to do anything stupid, are you?" he asked eyeing how close she was to slipping of the tower.

"Not if I can help it," she smiled wryly and cleared her throat which apparently had decided to limit her airflow.

"Right... you should be in the Great Hall," Snape said. He had carefully made his way towards Alex, and was now standing next to her, looking down at the top of her head.

"So should you, sir," she answered looking at him. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot, she was still breathing laboured breaths. Her reply implied a question. She itched to know why in the world he had followed her up there, because it couldn't be that he had coincidentally chosen to take an evening stroll up to the tower to amuse himself.

"What's wrong?" he asked crouching down next to her. She looked at him raising an eyebrow, almost as to say, 'what's it to you?'. He pulled back with a grimace as if her look had scorched him, but he then sat next to her and handed her his scarf.

"Once again, don't pretend to care, _sir_ ," she sighed ignoring the item of clothing he was holding out to her. Her hands had managed to stop shaking, but the rest of her body was still refusing to still.

"Look, I saw what happened with Lupin. I know you don't want anyone here, let alone me of all people, but—" he said as she turned further away from him. He was now staring at her hunched back; her breathing was still too shaky for his liking and she looked a few minutes away from becoming an icicle. In a sudden moment of selfless bravery her draped his scarf over her shoulders, his eyes narrowing when she flinched at the sudden contact.

"Well then why are you here, professor?"

"Sorry?"

"It's your chance to get back at us Gryffindors," she sighed. Her voice was still shaking.

"Aren't _you_ mad?"

"I'm a lot of things, and I might be mad, but now is not the moment to act on such feelings, sir," she said turning slightly towards him. Her legs were now splayed on the floor of the tower and her back leaning on the thing railing. If Snape hadn't been worried about not giving in to his fear of heights while looking at her profile as one looks at a puzzle, he wouldn't have noticed she had wound her hands in the scarf, and was leaning into it for warmth.

"Why did you come up here? Is it the stars?" he asked abruptly.

"Professor Snape, please, just stop—" she started.

"Cromwell!" he warned. Their eyes met and to Alex it felt like she had been brought back to the night she burst through the window in Dumbledore's office. The brief glance was enough for her to take a deep breath and relax overly tensed muscles.

"I feel like I'm going mad sometimes, quite often actually. Before you ask, it's not about the kiss, well, it is but it isn't, and I was hoping to feel less of a wayward particle up here," she grumbled picking at the split ends in her hair.

"Just—don't pull another Halloween on us, Minerva is still quite shaken up," he answered. Professor McGonagall had been quite worried that her star student had almost died, but it was Severus who kept bezoars and antidotes on him. Not that he cared for the girl, he barely even knew her, but he'd been deeply shaken by her condition. The blood pooling around her and her gaunt appearance had got to him. He had been furious: she had been brought back to life by some sort miracle, but no one had even noticed she was fading away. The bitterness had eaten at him for weeks. The Order sure knew how to keep tabs on their own. 

"I think it was more because she saw the Head of Slytherin House, _carrying_ a Gryffindor to the hospital wing and not dragging them," she almost smiled, but her tone gave away her amusement.

"You pull something like that again, I'll personally see that Madam Pomfrey gives you the foulest tasting potions I've ever had the misfortune to brew _after_ I drag you to the Hospital wing."

"I won't, sir," she said looking at him. She wasn't scared of him, of course he was about as cuddly as a Grindylow but his presence didn't unsettle her; it didn't make her guts lurch. It grounded her. She felt like his few words had turned to lead and attached themselves to the soles of her feet. Finally, she could breathe without feeling adrift.

"It's Severus," he muttered. He didn't usually trust people, but she was a maimed soul, somewhat similar to himself: she intrigued him. Nothing about her was typical, and the way his colleagues talked about her abilities made him wonder if he could actually learn something from someone other than the Dark Lord.

She didn't answer. She had stopped trembling, and now only shivered slightly every few minutes. Severus was still looking at her bundled up in his scarf. She was complex, but he knew that. Anyone in their right mind could see that. She was an enigma. Alluring and silent, yet her silences spoke volumes. He noticed how her eyes still encased by deep-set bruise-like circles. Her murky green orbs scanned every detail, calculating, contemplating with an almost reverent regard the overshadowed woods in the distance.

Severus leaned back and stretched to his full height, breaking his gaze, and went back to return to the main building.

"Severus," she muttered as he started down the wooden steps.

"What is it, Cromwell?" he asked, his eyebrows arching slightly into his forehead. She pushed off from the banister, grabbing her wet gloves and crossing the room to stand before him.

"Could I ask you a favour?"

"It depends," he said looking down his nose at her, even just slightly since he had already started going down the stairwell.

"Could I stop by to brew a draught of Dreamless Sleep sometime?" she asked tentatively. Severus would have smirked if it weren't for the fact that she looked even more exhausted than the last time he'd seen her in Dumbledore's office. She had obviously been lying about how well she was sleeping.

"Fine," he conceded.

"Thank you," she said pressing the palm of her hand to the back of his. For a second he was enveloped in a sudden blanket of warmth which quickly seeped into his bones.

 _Thank you for everything, Severus_ , her mind spoke to him as she sped past him down the steps.

He stood there dumbstruck, basking in the warmth she'd embraced him with. It made him feel like he was standing in front of a fireplace. It brought back too many memories of both his childhood and his school days. The few happy moments spent in the Slytherin common room or in front of the fireplace at his grandmother's house when he was five years old. He usually sat on the rug in front of the hearth after dinner and looked at the meagre pile of Chocolate Frog cards It was well before Lily and all the darkness. It was before his father had started drinking and taking out his drunken wrath on him and his mother. It was before he had started becoming bitter and stern, before James Potter, before becoming a Death Eater... before.


	14. Baited, Bailed and Caught

A few days had passed from his encounter with Cromwell and Severus was still burning with curiosity. She didn't act like a typical Gryffindor, and that was strangely refreshing to him, especially when McGonagall explained that she'd asked to be put in Slytherin, but the Hat had basically ignored her wishes. He knew his colleagues spoke well about her, they had spoken about her talents even before she returned, but he never imagined to be left speechless by such a mundane gesture as a pat on the hand. He knew she had done it on purpose. She had meant to make him feel that warmth, but _why_?

He knew Legilimency well, but her mind was constantly quiet: never silent, but every sound was muffled. Whenever he had tried to catch a glimpse of it he was met with a cosy maze made of rows of books, some of which he recognized while others piqued his curiosity even more but he couldn't touch them, in the distance he could hear a soft simmer and pages occasionally being ruffled. That's all. Nothing more, except the occasional swear word muttered under her breath when she'd trip over her own feet. For someone who could produce quite fascinating magic at a young age, she was quite clumsy.

Severus was roughly pulled out of his train of thought as he entered the staff room to pick up his mail. The room that most used for nightcaps or to read the Daily Prophet, was unusually crowded. Not in the sense that he had to elbow his way through the crowd, but that a small group of his colleagues were relaxing on the couches near the large hearth. He rolled his eyes as he noticed that Lupin quickly joined the group after pouring himself a cup of what definitely wasn't tea.

 _Maybe a drink isn't a bad idea_ , he thought, considering the fact that the first term had taken a toll on both his body and his mind. Severus didn't know if he needed a six-month vacation or an endless supply of alcohol. With this in mind, he started back toward his chambers. He heard footsteps behind him but thought nothing of it as he reached the open door.

"If it's not a bad idea, join us, no?" a familiar voice called out after him.

Severus' head snapped up from the envelope he was staring unamused at, to see that he had almost run into the very Gryffindor he was trying to figure out.

"It may come as a shock, but you should learn to repress your urges to snoop through others' brains," he remarked coldly.

"Right, that's your job, isn't it?" she replied coolly leaning against the door frame opposite him.

 _Well, fuck, she's right_ , he noted acidly. It had been quite a hypocritical thing to say. She looked completely at ease, and that made him nervous. He usually bet on his ability to intimidate others, except for Dumbledore, but that was different.

"Don't worry, sir, I wasn't _snooping_ , you've just been staring at a bottle of Ogden's for the past five minutes," she smirked swirling the contents of her tumbler absentmindedly.

"What are you doing here Cromwell, you must know by now that this is the _professors'_ lounge," he asked.

"I was roped into attending my own birthday party," she sighed running a hand over her face.

"Was it Dumbledore?" he half-smirked. He had more than once witnessed the old man ambush poor unexpecting staff members with parties for whatever occasion.

"Yes, under the guise of helping McGonagall fix badly transfigured objects," she said as they looked back at the gaggle of snickering professors, "which I was actually looking forward to."

"Wait until they get decently buzzed and then make a run for it," he said.

"That's what I've been trying to do for the past hour. Couldn't you, I don't know, give me detention or something?" she looked at him with pleading eyes.

"You must really hate your birthday," he almost smiled. Alex raised an eyebrow at the unusual sight, not that it was a bad one, just unexpected.

"I just greatly dislike parties," she muttered anxiously looking at the room then down the corridor.

"Has Lupin bothered you since the other evening?" Severus asked.

"No, we've addressed the matter," she smiled and pursed her lips. Lupin had doused her in apologies, almost to the point of crying. It had been awkward, because Alex could hear his every thought, but they had soon enough got back in their routine.

Snape was about to inquire about how his werewolf colleague had taken it, but they were interrupted by the menace himself.

"Snape, you're not bothering the birthday girl, are you?" asked Lupin with a tumbler in hand. Alex cringed at his slightly slurred speech.

"Not at all Moony," Alex rolled her eyes and guided her friend back to the sofa. She turned around to glare at the Potions Master.

"Miss Cromwell, I hope you remember our... arrangement," Severus muttered looking at her intently.

"Oh come on Severus, really?" Remus huffed.

"Miss Cromwell thought well to talk back during class, I obliged, wouldn't you have done the same?"

Lupin rolled his eyes but didn't reply.

"What time should I meet you, sir?" Alex asked.

"Five thirty will do," he replied and stormed from the room in his usual fashion. Alex needed to keep up the façade for another forty minutes. She could do that. It was indefinites she couldn't do. Indefinites made anxiety cloud her mind, they overwhelmed her every thought even if she was with people she loved or was doing something she enjoyed.

Alex rolled her eyes but returned to her seat on the sofa with a smile playing on her lips. Snape had pleasantly surprised her, to say the least. Of course, they weren't mates, but there was some sort of mutual agreement made that night in Dumbledore's office when Alex handed him her memories. A mutual trust of some sort even if he was a prick at times, and she was too hot-headed for her own good.

"Is everything alright?" asked Professor McGonagall, worry lines taking their places. Teaching hadn't exactly been kind to her, or better, it had stressed her out more than she liked to admit, but she loved it.

"Yes, Professor Snape was just reminding me of my detention with him this evening," Alex replied smoothly.

"What did you do?" the Transfiguration professor asked. Alex froze; Minerva McGonagall had just gone from friend and fellow Order member to haughty Head of House.

"Well, when he remarked that he doesn't know how we managed our OWLs, I might have suggested that I don't know how he manages to keep a clean shaven face since I'd expect mirrors to crack left and right at the sight of him," Alex lied. _Hell has opened a new department just for you, Alex_ , she grimaced internally. If Snape got ear of this, she'd be dead meat. Dead. Meat. Minced, salted, and peppered to taste.

"Cromwell!" McGonagall hissed while a few other professors snickered.

"Why didn't we add you to the Marauders?" Remus laughed patting her on the back.

"Come on, presents!" Dumbledore steered the conversation back to the small pile of wrapped boxes sitting on the coffee table.

Half an hour later, Alex was holding a box of Honeydukes' best sweets, a new quill and a lovely scarf. They had all pitched in, and it showed. The box of candies was huge. Alex had immediately pulled out a packet of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans and passed them around.

Soon enough, though, she took her leave and headed down to the dungeons to thank her uncharacteristic saviour.

Just as she was about to knock on his office door, Snape made his presence known by clearing his throat behind her. Her instinct getting the best of her, she whipped out her wand and pointed it at his chest. Her heartbeat could have easily been used as the beat to the new Weird Sisters' single.

"Not very Gryffindor of you, Cromwell," he stated raising an eyebrow.

"Well, old habits die hard," she said lowering her wand, noticing that he scratched at his left arm as she mentioned their past roles.

"Why are you here?"

"I need to thank you for rescuing me."

"I didn't do it for you, I was limiting the damage to my eardrums as I'll certainly head about it for the next month," he said.

 _Great the ass is back, I was getting worried_ , Alex thought.

"Regardless. I was also wondering if I could brew," she said. His brow furrowed for a second. She didn't explicitly ask, but she wasn't going to go in without his permission. The girl kept confusing him, and he had been a spy for on the whiniest and unpredictable wizards of all Great Britain.

"If you must," he sighed after a few moments and opened the door to his office. She stepped in behind him and closed the door softly.

Alex had been in the room as a fifth-year student when Professor Slughorn had decided to give her the third degree on how honourable her parents were. She shuddered at the mere thought of that conversation. It had ended with a smug-faced Slughorn sitting on his armchair, and a murderous Alex stalking out of the room. For a Slytherin, he was quite tactless.

"Are you going to just stand there?" Snape pulled her out of her memories.

"No, sorry. I assume the ingredients are in the storage closet?" she tried. He nodded and went to sit at his desk. Alex headed to the other end of the room and opened what she hoped to be a well-furnished storage. She couldn't have asked for anything better. The sight was heavenly: the ingredients were separated in plants and animals and organized alphabetically. She quickly collected the ingredients and started brewing on the obviously stained worktable.

"I'd let the lavender infuse with the standard ingredient in ice and beet juice before adding it," Snape muttered after a good twenty minutes of silence. Alex turned to look at him and he was hunched over a stack of papers at his desk. He looked miserable, as if he'd rather be getting flogged by the Whomping Willow than grade papers.

"Wouldn't that deactivate the standard ingredient?" she asked.

"Not if you don't let the ice melt completely," he answered. Bored Snape wasn't very amiable.

"Show me how?" she asked tentatively.

"If you can brew Wolfsbane, I'm somewhat confident you can figure this blatantly simple technique," he said in an annoyed tone.

"You show me, and I'll mark half," she bargained before thinking it through. A part of her prayed for him to decline, but realistically, Snape knew a deal when he saw one, or heard one in this case. He heaved a sigh and got up from behind his desk. He quickly demonstrated the technique, and Alex watched amazedly how he managed to perform a stasis charm only on the bowl and not on its contents.

"It wasn't that difficult, now was it?" he drawled once he had set the infused ingredients in the cauldron. Alex shook her head and said nothing. What was she supposed to answer? After adding a few valerian sprigs and a dash of chamomile powder, she settled in a chair a picked up the pile of essays she was to mark. Most of them were atrocious. Good thing she didn't know most four years; she would have flunked some of them back to second year. The next hour passed without a word being uttered between them. When Alex was finished, she stretched back in the considerably uncomfortable seat.

"Well that was worse than I expected," she mumbled rubbing her temples. Snape had already finished marking and looked up from the book he was reading. He almost barked a laugh at her perceptiveness.

"Why did you do that thing the other night?" he asked.

"I would have thought you to be more eloquent, Severus," she smirked. The wasn't any malice in her words, just amusement, Snape noted. He rolled his eyes and set the book down.

"The warming spell, I mean."

"My mother taught me it before I came to Hogwarts. I used to get frostbite quite easily when I was younger, so she came up with that charm, saved my hands and feet from a lot of pain," she recalled, her eyes far away. It was now his turn to stay silent.

"Still, not many witches your age can do wandless magic," he dog-eared his book and stood to pour himself the drink he had been delaying.

"It's just simple things," she mumbled.

"If you say so, Miss Cromwell." he asked pouring himself a decent splash of firewhisky. Looking back at her lost gaze, he poured another glass and set it down in front of her. Now that she didn't have to keep up appearances Snape could see how miserable she looked. Her eyes were completely bloodshot, and dark circles danced beneath them, deepening, and lightening with how the light hit her face. Registering the drink, she quirked an eyebrow and sniffed the liquid.

"It's not poison."

"I know," she muttered sharply. Snape furrowed his brow at her sudden darkened mood. She threw back the drink and gingerly set the tumbler back on the tray after cleansing it thoroughly.

"I must be getting back," she said not meeting his eye. Snape grunted in response, but still got up and accompanied to the door. Alex needed an out, staring at the glass of firewhisky she had made up her mind: she was going to go back to the Room of Requirement that night. She needed to blast something, the potion wouldn't be ready for another two days and she was quite sure she wouldn't be getting any sleep.

"Miss Cromwell," Snape tentatively set a hand on her shoulder. She jumped and snapped her head towards him.

"I'm sorry, sir," she bowed her head and exited his office. He rolled his eyes and grabbed her arm, halting her in her tracks.

"I told you to call me Severus," he grumbled.

"Then call me Alex," she looked at him in a way that made him extremely self-conscious. She looked at him, her gaze was completely unguarded, and it unsettled him deeply. She saw through him. He was used to Dumbledore's all-seeing eye by now, but her subtly investigative gaze was something else. She was something else. She meekly kept to herself, contemplating her surroundings, sharing knowledge selflessly, yet Snape knew she never gave spectacle of her abilities. People would flock, then talk, and, judging by her personality, she would probably flee to the Shrieking Shack.

"Wait," he said before disappearing into his office. Alex heard a few cabinet doors creak open then slam shut, and a minute later Snape re-emerged, grasping her hand a setting two vials in it. Alex stared at them like he had just given her a gold ingot, her eyes flickering from the potions to his face. To her, those two tiny vials _were_ gold; two nights of dreamless sleep, two nights of rest, two nights she wouldn't have to battle crushing guilt and unkind thoughts. Alex abruptly found herself awkwardly flinging her arms around Snape, once again not thinking it through. It must have been the exhaustion.

A look of utter bewilderment crossed his face as he embarrassedly patted her shoulders with his fingers. What was he supposed to do? No one had voluntarily touched him, not to mention hug him since... well, he couldn't really remember. Then again, the most Slytherin-like Gryffindor he knew was hugging him, and she had chosen to.

"Thank you—I mean, I'm sorry—for hugging you, that is," Alex stuttered and tripped over her feet as she retreated from the hug. The embrace hadn't even lasted five seconds, but the embarrassment lingered longer, as both stared at their feet.

"You can come pick up the potion on Sunday, around this time will do," Snape said clearing his throat.

"Grand, thanks. I'll see you then," Alex replied quickly before turning around and retreating to the Gryffindor common room. Her thoughts were screaming bloody murder at her. Unbeknownst to her, Snape was sitting at his desk still shaken by her sudden gesture. He tolerated her, she neutralised his moods. He tried to put the event behind him, but it kept creeping up on him. She had _willingly_ placed her arms around him and thanked him. Increasingly confused, Snape decided to turn in for the evening by downing a few more shots of firewhiskey and trimming a few plants just to settle down with a cumbersome tome on Oriental poisons.  
  



	15. Unexpected Return

Alex walked into the Ministry of Magic just as the grand clock tower struck 5. It was five. In the morning. As the sarcastic insomniac she is, Alex Cromwell had decided to pay her Minister of Magic as visit.  
She had made the decision on a whim, and part of her was regretting changing out of her pajamas and walking to the edge of the grounds to Apparate.

"I must be completely out of my mind," she mumbled tapping her wand against her jeans as she, for lack of a better term, strutted alone down the entrance hall of the majestic building. She felt stupid. Was she making the worst mistake of her life by making herself known to the leader of Britain's magical community? She should be sleeping soundly in her dorm but of course her brain had overridden the sleeping draughts Severus had brewed.

If Cornelius Fudge had a single braincell remaining in his otherwise gigantically vacant skull she wouldn't be on the front page of the Daily Prophet in the morning. Alex had the foreboding feeling that she would be mistaken, and Rita Skeeter, the ever-annoying journalist (and stalker) would find her as soon as she knocked on Cornelius' door.

With the Sirius Black escape situation going on for the last four months almost, the Minister would probably have spent the night at the office, owling people from all over the country and trying to sift through sighting claims even though those would probably be left to his secretaries.   
The Auror office would be incessantly buzzing, of course; it was never tranquil in there and Alex missed the organised chaos of the weekends she spent training with none other than Kingsley Shacklebolt. Even though he had been her mentor, he had never treated her inferior. She was inexperienced but not a ragdoll to be used to do scut work. They often even Apparated to Order meetings together and he'd joke about how she got nauseous when she did.

Alex knocked on the pristinely lacquered door, knowing for certain that Fudge was on the other side, but still hoping he was momentarily overcome by a sudden transitory deafness and wouldn't hear her.   
To her dismay she heard a chair drag roughly against the presumably wooden floors and then heavy footfalls trudged towards her.   
Alex stood there twiddling her thumbs with bated breath.

"I wasn't expecting anyone at this hour--," the Minister said absently as he opened the door. He abruptly stopped talking and paled as he registered her face.

"Good morning, Fudge," Alex said coolly as she regained the feeling she had lost in her fingers by wringing them too hard.

"You're dead, it was tragic, a curse" he sputtered. His face had gone from pale to madly pink, to slightly cianotic.

"Not really, no," Alex answered.   
"What happened? Even Dumbledore thought you were dead," he asked stepping aside so she could enter his office.

"I would think you'd have better security on this place given the present situation," Alex ignored his question. Furrowing his brow Fudge huffed in response and waved a steaming teapot their way.

"Sirius Black wouldn't come here anyhow," the minister said.

"Of course, he'd go after Harry at Hogwarts, that's why the dementors have been bringing ruin to the grounds."

"You've been at Hogwarts?"

"I'm a student, but that's not why I'm here. I want to train with your Aurors, Kingsley's division."

"I would think you'd want to settle down and pursue your parents' former occupations," he said sipping his tea. Alex eyed her untouched teacup before answering. Being an Unspeakable would be fulfilling but never as much as catching dark wizards and neighbourhood delinquents.

"I'm not my parents, and whilst the loss makes my soul twinge as if it happened yesterday, I won't follow in their footsteps with no passion just to honour them," she spoke and eyed the man. He shuddered as her eyes pierced his.

"I'll see what I can do," he muttered quickly.

"Good, thank you. I really must be going now, Minister, I wouldn't want anyone else to catch me here," she spoke enunciating each word.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Miss Cromwell," he replied promptly and Alex reached for the door.

"Wouldn't you prefer a portkey?"

"Of course not, sir, Apparating is fine."

"Alright, I'll let you know soon about the position in Shacklebolt's division," he murmured, a slight gurgle escaping his throat as he downed another mouthful of tea.

"Brilliant, please, feel free to owl me," Alex bowed slightly and closed the door behind her.

She had been inside the office for no more than ten minutes and the Minister of Magic was already suckling up to her.   
Alex rolled her eyes and faded into her surroundings by using a Disillusionment Charm since more people were starting to walk around the building.

Ten minutes later she was back at Hogwarts. As she wasn't used to Apparating she emptied the contents of her stomach on the lawn near the Quidditch pitch.

"Well that was smooth, Alex," she reprimanded herself as she felt bile rise in her throat. When the feeling subsided and she was only greatly nauseous, Alex started towards the castle, stopping by Hagrid's hut to check on a sleeping Buckbeak.

What she didn't know was that two pairs of eyes were watching her like a hawk. Albus and Severus had both got up, when she had left the school, both fearing she had gone off the deep end and had decided to retire in some secluded part of Ireland to escape from the horrific images she had to tolerate daily.

"She'll come back, Severus," Albus assured the Slytherin.

"How can you be so sure? She's been dreadful, just look at her. Even with Poppy watching her every move, she barely has it together!"

"Alexandria wouldn't just leave without saying anything."

"That's what she just did!" he hissed.

"What are you going to do about it?"

"What am I-"

"I know that if I told you to relax, you'd tell me to piss off, so... What are you going to do about it?" the headmaster explained calmly.

"How about going to look for her?"

"If she wanted to be found she would have said something," answered Dumbledore coolly.   
Snape huffed in response and crossed the headmaster's office to go snoop in his cabinets.

"I'm afraid I'm out of your poison of choice, Severus, " he said.

"Then mead will have to do," the potioneer mumbled with a sour look on his face as he poured himself a goblet of elf mead.

The two men sat on the balcony, in silence, for the next half hour. One waiting to prove that the fiery Gryffindor hadn't just chosen to by her leave in the middle of the night, while the other paced back and forth thinking of all the places she could have gone, and where he could look if she didn't return in the near future.

"Ah! There you go. See, there was nothing to worry about!" said the Headmaster as Alex reapparated in front of the gates.

"She's pissed off, though," Severus acquired from her pace and the way she marched up the hill leading to the castle.

"She'll sleep it off."

"That's morose, Albus. With the dose of Dreamless sleep she should have slept until noon tomorrow. She needs something else, not a potion... Something else!" Snape gritted his teeth.

"It almost sounds like you care, Severus."

"I don't!"

"Keep telling yourself that and you actually might," the headmaster grinned. The Potions Master grunted and turned to refill his goblet for the third time. As he picked up the bottle, he heard the gargoyle to the headmaster's office turn.

"She's coming up," he called to Dumbledore.

"I know," Albus said going back to his desk.

"Albus, sorry to intrude at this hour. I saw your light was on, I thought I'd stop by-" Alex said in a single breath as she closed the door behind her. She froze when she saw Snape standing a on the other side of the office.

"Oh sorry, professor," Alex reopened the door to go wait outside.

"You weren't intruding, Miss Cromwell," Snape stated blankly.

"Alright, then," she muttered and went to sit in her usual armchair without looking up.

"What brings you here at this hour, dear?"

"I went to the Ministry, told Fudge I'm alive and all. He almost had a fit," she said matter-of-factly.

"You were ready," he smiled.

"It makes it official, I _am_ officially back. It is known, putting it off was just an excuse to keep holding on to the notion of not really existing," she stated staring of into space. After a moment she sat up straighter and patted her thighs thoughtfully.

"Well, that's settled. I should be going," she mumbled mostly to herself.

"I'll see you for tea over break, please do try to relax at Christmas," Dumbledore said encouragingly.

"I might go back home for a few days, just to check that the house elves haven't beaten the wits out of each other and that no one has broken into the house," she smiled remembering her fussy companions.

"Good night, Alex, do sleep."

"Miss Cromwell, a word?" asked Snape.

"Of course, sir," she obliged as they both exited Dumbledore's office.   
They walked in silence for a few minutes, both wandering without fixed destination, but following each other's footsteps.

"Did you want to say something, sir?"

"For such a bright witch, you surely are slow in the simplest things."

"Professor?"

"I already told you to call me Severus," he said.

"And I already told you to call me Alex," she said looking him in the eye.

"Fair enough," he muttered staring out over the greenhouses.

"You were saying?"

"The potion didn't work, did it?"

"It did, actually. I slept five hours. It's three more than what I usually get. I was meaning to thank you," she half-smiled.

"You should have slept at least twelve hours with the dose I gave you," he stated.

"I'll get used to sleeping one day," she answered.

"What was it like up there?"

"Amazing yet horridly frigid, almost too peaceful, eerily still. I'll show you one day."

"I'll hold you to that, Cromwell."

"Deal," she smiled, "I'm sorry I hugged you yesterday, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"You didn't."

"I did, and we both know it," she argued.

He didn't reply, just kept flicking minuscule pebbles put into the garden.

"Why did you?"

"Why did I what?"

"Don't be thick, Cromwell."

They both rolled their eyes at each other.

"Again, I'm sorry if I did. I wasn't thinking. You gave me something that would surely help, it felt like a natural thing to do."

"I never said to apologise. It was unexpected," he replied. _You were unexpected._ And quite so.

"Would you mind if I did it again?"


End file.
